


Wonderland

by GleefullyCaptainSwan



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Celebrity, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, Enemies to Lovers, F/M, Multi, Rehabilitation
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-01-21
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-12 16:22:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 26,681
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28888302
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleefullyCaptainSwan/pseuds/GleefullyCaptainSwan
Summary: Killian Jones, lead singer of The Sea Dogs, got a lucky break when Hollywood came calling and offered him a role as Captain Hook in the Neverland movie series. With his name on the rise, a gorgeous fashion model at his side, and access to high profile contacts, he got a crash course into the dangers of fame and fortune.Emma Nolan, daughter of the head of Nolan Enterprises, lived a life of wealth and privilege. Her status afforded her every want and desire; however, Emma was always looking for more. Her self-destructive behavior took her on a dark path that left her with consequences she was unable to escape.Wonderland Recovery Center is the five-star Rehabilitation center located on its own private island in the Caribbean. For patients who can afford their services, WRC offers seclusion, solitude, and an opportunity to meet recovery requirements without being hounded by paparazzi.Killian just wanted to do his time and restore his career. Emma wanted to convince the right people that she didn’t belong there. However, before they could shake their addictions and figure out who they were, they had to learn how to exist at WRC without killing each other first!
Relationships: Captain Hook | Killian Jones/Emma Swan
Comments: 78
Kudos: 49





	1. Killian Jones

**Author's Note:**

> Substance abuse is a serious issue. If you need help with an addiction, please call The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHS) National Helpline – 1-800-662-HELP (4357).
> 
> If you want the backstory of the characters, please see my sneak peek with info about the characters involved.  
> https://wefoundloveunderthelight.tumblr.com/post/640329486211203072/wonderland-sneak-peek-fic-now-that-i-have

### 

### Chapter 1: Killian Jones

_2 weeks ago_

The hotel room was littered with empty bottles of rum and beer, it smelled of smoke, leather, and sex. The naked girl strung out on the expensive leather couch had passed out hours previously from too much drink.

“Lass, do share!” Killian tipped his glass back, the sting from the alcohol had been dulled six drinks previously.

The brunette gyrated on top of his lap, rubbing her center against his naked form. She passed the $100 bill to him and then began slithering a trail of wetness against his skin with her tongue. He pushed her out of his way to lean forward, rolling the bill and inhaling the white powder into his nose, his head fell back against the chair. His eyes closed, letting the feeling wash over him.

The girl continued her duty, eagerly sucking his cock while her hands caressed his chest. Her fingers trailed the flesh on his left arm, and he reached out with his right hand, grabbing a fist full of her hair and yanking her away from him. She stared at him wide eyed. “No, you can touch me anywhere but there.” He growled, shoving her back down to his groin.

He closed his eyes again, getting lost in the swirls of her tongue and the euphoric sensations of her mouth gloriously working his cock. “Mm, Milah.” He groaned.

“Who the hell is Milah?” The girl stopped her eager work.

His eyes blew open, looking down at the dark-haired girl who was staring at him angrily. “Mary?” He said warily. “Nancy?” He pressed his fingers to his head and squeezed his eyes shut trying to remember the damn woman’s name. “Janice?” he said snapping his fingers.

“It’s Abby.”

“Who cares.”

The girl got up from his lap and walked toward her friend who was passed out on the couch. “Fuck you.”

“I already did that, twice, and I don’t seem to remember any complaints, darling.” He leaned over and took another snort. His vision distorting slightly. “Get back over here, it’s not going to suck itself.” The girl reluctantly walked back toward him. “Abby love, please.” He added.

He took another shot of rum as the girl reluctantly returned to continue her task of pleasuring him. “You’re damn good at that love, my heart is absolutely racing.” He groaned, sweat pouring off his forehead.

She stopped her task, “You sure you’re ok, Mr. Jones?”

“What are you bloody stopping for?” He yelled, grabbing the bottle next to him, and tipping it into his mouth. His hand slid onto his erect member, tugging himself to try and reach the release he so desperately needed. “Do I have to do this for you?”

His heart really was racing. The girl stepped back from him, retreating to the couch to try again and wake her friend.”

“Who needs you.” He growled angrily. “I’ll do it my damn self.”

He closed his eyes. Dark hair invading his thoughts. Images racing across his lids.

_“I love you Milah.”_ The scenes played out like a movie on fast forward in his brain. _“Why would you do this?”_ Blurring, bright lights, his headache was blinding him. _“Killian, you shouldn’t…”_ His heart was pounding out of his chest. _“Oh God what have I done?”_ Red lights and rain?

_Wait. Was it raining in his room?_

Darkness was threatening to swallow him, he was screaming into the night.

“Killian, wake up.”

He could faintly hear someone speaking to him. He tried to respond; words didn’t come.

“Call 911.”

_Present Day_

Killian watched the land come into view, a bright patch of green over a sea of blue. It was a beautiful sight that he would surely have welcomed if he were here for pleasure.

“At least you’ll have a gorgeous view during your stay.”

Killian glared at the man sitting across from him, gripping the leather handle on his seat. “Yeah, I’m sure sightseeing is the first thing they sign you up for, right after racquetball and cricket.” He grumbled sarcastically.

“I know you’re upset with everyone, KJ, but you know we had no other choice, right?”

Killian looked away, glancing out the window again to focus on the ground as the wheels touched down.

He stood when the plane came to a stop and walked toward the exit. Robin got up and followed him. When he got to the steps he turned around and faced the man. “I think I can turn myself in _Dad_.”

Robin rolled his eyes. “I’m just trying to be here for you.”

“I think you’ve done enough Rob. Go home.” Killian turned and bounded down the steps, grabbing his bag from the pilot, and storming toward the car waiting for him.

“Killian Jones?” The man asked.

“Yup, I’m the lucky bloke!” He said mockingly and climbed into the backseat.

“Welcome to Wonderland.”

“Wonderland? You can’t be serious. What a bloody stupid name.” He mused but the man simply shut the door behind him.

The trip from the small airport only took five minutes, Killian watched the beauty of the island zoom past through the darkened windows of the limo. He slammed back against the headrest and squeezed his eyes closed, pinching the bridge of his nose.

_“Killian, this has to stop, you almost died this time. Do you think this is what mom would have wanted for you?”  
“And yet I’m still here.”  
“Is that what you want? To not be here? Because I can’t decide if this is a death wish or you are just fucking stupid.”_

The car came to a sudden halt, he let out a long groan and peered through his eyes. The door opened and he stepped out into the sunlight.

“Welcome to Wonderland Rehabilitation Center, Mr. Jones.” The moment he left the car, he was greeted by a man in a security uniform. “Names Graham, Pleasure to meet you. I happened to hear the call that you were arriving and wanted to greet you personally. Can I just say how much I loved “Seasick”? That song changed my life, man.”

“Oh good, a fan. Splendid.” He said sarcastically as he brushed past the man and up the walkway to the entrance.

He heard the guard’s footsteps behind him. “I checked you in, but you’ll need to meet with Regina.”

“Well point me in the way of this Regina then and let’s get on with it.”

“You’ve found her.” A dark-haired woman was standing at the front desk, her dark suit and heels told him that this was a woman who liked to be in charge. “Regina Mills. I’m the Manager here at WRC.”

“I suppose this is where you read me the rules and tell me how its going to be, scared straight or something, right?”

“Something like that.” She grinned and gestured for him to follow her.

“So, you’ve met Graham, he’s my head of security, so if you step out of line, break any of my rules, I’ll know about it.” She opened the door to her office and sat at her desk, waving her hand to the chair across from her.

“Just tell me what I need to do to get out of here.”

“Ready to leave so soon?” She mused.

“No, just eager to get back to my life.”

“Ah yes, Killian Jones, Mother died when you were four. You lived with your father, Brennan and brother, Liam until you were 17, dropped out of high school when your dad died and started a band with your high school buddy Robin Locksley at 18.” She turned the page in his file. “How am I doing so far?”

He rolled his eyes. “I’m not here for a history lesson.”

“I wasn’t finished.” She cut him off. “Let’s see, got your lucky break playing in a bar when you were 22, signed to a 1-year contract with Capitol Records. What’s the name of your little band?”

“The Sea Dogs and it’s not exactly little.”

“Ah that’s right. Your 1-year contract turned into a multi record deal, didn’t it?”

“Aye, we won a Grammy, actually.”

“Never really understood your band honestly, the sea doesn’t have dogs. Never the matter, where did I leave off, ah your aspiring acting career. Three picture deal, isn’t that correct?”

He nodded. “Yes, the last film starts production in 6 months. Hence my need to finish this up.”

“You can’t rush recovery, Mr. Jones.”

“Then does this little story have a point, or should we continue wasting my time?”

“The point is, I don’t care who you are. You’re not here on vacation, this isn’t a spa. If you want to leave WRC, I expect you to work for it. You’ll find that we have many special people here. Movie stars, musicians, billionaires, the fact of the matter is, I don’t give a damn who you are. You’re all the same here.” She tossed his file onto the desk. “Addicts.”

His jaw was tense.

“The sooner you realize that’s who you are, that’s when your recovery can start and not a second sooner. Until then you’re just another rich guy hiding from his problems on my island.”

“Well, this was uplifting. Are all the sessions going to be this inspirational because I want to make sure I get my money’s worth.”

“You’ll have individual therapy sessions 3 times a week and group session once a week with Dr. Hopper. There is a cafeteria where you will have all your meals, any medication will be provided to you by Dr. Whale. I understand you are still in the process of physical therapy since the…”

“That is correct, I assume my physical therapy will continue with Dr. Whale also?”

“Yes. There is a gym where you can work out on your down time, as well as yoga classes that are hosted by our recreational therapist and dietician Zelena West.”

“Yoga sounds most interesting.” He mused sarcastically.

“Lights out is at 10pm. No sex of any kind.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“No sex. I would assume that is self-explanatory, Jones or do I need to provide you the rules in a book with pictures?”

“No Ma’am. But 10pm? Honestly, I’m going to miss Big Brother After Dark, and who doesn’t love a good reality show with drama, am I right?”

“I think you’ll find that the sooner you take things seriously, Mr. Jones, the better your stay here will go for you.” She glared at him. “Now if I can just get you to sign some paperwork for me and turn in your cell phone and any personal items into this bag. I will have it locked up so you can gather them when you leave.”  
He pulled his phone from his pocket, tossing it into the bag.

“Did you need to check your messages or send any before you turn it over?”

“Nope, don’t have anyone I care to communicate with.”

“Well, if you change your mind, you are permitted to make your first phone call after completing 14 days of treatment. After that you will have access to the phone in the lounge during the hours of 9am to 9pm.”

“Am I scheduled for restroom breaks as well or am I allowed to take those as necessary?”

She stared a hole through him. “Dr. Hopper is going to have a field day with you.” She chuckled dryly.

There was a knock on the door and a fair skinned man in a white coat poked his head into the room.

“Did you call me for a patient meet and greet?”

“Ah yes, Dr. Whale, may I introduce you to Killian Jones.”

The man stepped into the room and extended his hand, withdrawing quickly when he looked down at his missing limb and swapping the hand he extended.  
“Nice to meet you. How long has it been?” He asked, pointing to his lack of appendage.

“Long enough to not want to talk about it.” Regina cleared her throat and Killian internally groaned. “Three months.”

“I got the notes from your previous physical therapist so we will continue strength exercises three days a week starting tomorrow.”

“I can hardly contain my glee.”

Dr. Whale exchanged a glance with Regina. “Oh, Dr. Hopper is going to love him.” She nodded with a smirk on her face. “I’ll see you tomorrow.” He remarked before turning and leaving him alone with the abrasive woman on the other side of the desk.

“So, when do I get to go to my room to sit and reflect on my life.”

“Ah yes, let me take you to your room now.” She stood, depositing his items in her desk drawer, and locking it behind her. “This way.”

He followed her down the corridor, noting all the windows lining the hallway with views of the ocean. He wished again that he were here for a different reason.  
“Here you go Mr. Jones.”

He stopped before entering the room. “Jones is fine, Mr. Jones is my father, and he’s no longer among the living.”

“Alright Jones, home sweet home.”

He stepped into the room, more windows looking out onto the island. His eyes settled on the two beds in the room. “Um, I’m pretty sure this is costing me a hefty penny, but care to explain why I need two beds?”

“You must be the new guy.” A man pushed past him into the room.

“This is your roommate, August.”

“Roommate? I thought this place allowed privacy and solidarity.”

“Did I forget that rule, sorry about that. For the first 2 weeks, all patients are paired with someone who has already completed their first 14 days.”

“I don’t need a bloody babysitter.” Lowering his voice and turning toward Regina.

“Think of him more as a buddy.” She appeared to be taking joy in his discomfort and anger.

“I don’t need one of those either.” He growled.

She turned on her heels and started off down the hallway. “Dr. Hopper will see you in 20 minutes. Don’t be late. Your _buddy_ can help you find your way there.”

He clinched his fist, watching the woman click her heels on the tile until she turned the corner and disappeared. He spun around and stepped into the room.

“It goes by quickly.” His new babysitter was sitting on one of the beds reading a book.

“Not quick enough.” He tossed his bag on the empty bed.

“You’re that guy, aren’t you?” He stood up and pretended to look off into the distance. “Ahoy Matey there’s land ahead.” Killian groaned and tossed his clothes into the empty dresser. “Sorry, but you’re pretty recognizable.”

“Fantastic.”

“Secrets safe with me. No one cares who anyone is here anyway.”

“How long have you been here?”

“24 days. You get used to the way things work around here after the first week.”

“Not bloody likely.” He grumbled.

“Hey, don’t fight it, trust me, the first guy I stayed with when I got here has been here 6 months and still keeps breaking the rules, at this rate, he’s never leaving.”  
Killian thought about his situation. He knew the more he resisted the longer he would be stuck on this island and he wanted nothing more than to leave this place and get back to set.

“Perhaps you have a point. If you would be so kind as to show me to Dr. Hopper’s office, I would much like to get a start on getting the hell out of here.”

He followed the man down the hallways, a maze of rights and lefts until they exited the building and crossed a lush green lawn to a small building on the other side of the complex. “First door on your right.” August pointed toward the building. “Good luck.”

He stepped through the doors and was greeted by a friendly, curly haired man, “You must be Mr. Jones, I’m Dr. Hopper, but you can call me Archie.”

“Killian will be fine, Archie.”

“Alright, Killian, please join me in my office.”

Killian walked into the room, not at all surprised to see the long couch and leather chair. He nervously took a seat on the couch and looked around. “So, uh how does this work, do I lie down, or can we skip that part?”

The man laughed. “None of that is necessary, unless that makes you comfortable. Our sessions will happen three times a week, sometimes I may ask you questions, other times you may feel like sharing, but really, the most important part at WRC is that we make sure you don’t ignore the mental part of your recovery.”  
Killian shifted uncomfortably on the couch. He had no idea how he was supposed to sit here and share anything with this man, a man he had just met. “What exactly are we supposed to talk about?”

“How about we talk about what brought you here.”

Killian looked at the ceiling. “My bandmate, Robin brought me.”

“Not who, but _what_ was the reason you chose to come to Wonderland?”

Killian laughed loudly. “Chose, that’s an interesting way to put it.”

“And how would you put it?”

“Forced, not given much choice, ordered to come, your pick I guess.”

“And yet you’re here.”

“Yeah, did you know that there’s a moral clause in contracts?” He clicked his tongue in his mouth in annoyance. “Guess I should have read the fine print.”

“So, you’re here because your behavior was deemed to be in breach of contract?”

“Something like that, yeah.”

“And do you think your behavior was acceptable?”

“I think my behavior was no one’s business but my own.”

He nodded and then wrote a few sentences in his notebook.

“What? Was that the wrong answer?” Killian said dryly.

“I’m just taking notes, it doesn’t mean that I agree or disagree with anything you have said. I’m merely here to observe your response.” He put down his pencil and looked back at Killian. “Tell me about the night of the accident.”

Killian’s jaw clenched and he formed a fist with his right hand. “I don’t know what that has to do with anything.”

“Interesting response. You had attended a premiere for your first movie, is that correct?”

_“What were you doing talking to him?”  
“We were just talking, Killy. He’s your co-star.”  
“Bullshit. Don’t lie to me.”  
“Killian, would you stop acting like this.”  
“I’ll stop acting like this when you start telling the goddamn truth.”  
“I’m not going to talk to you while you’re drunk.”  
“No but you’ll fuck him when he’s drunk, isn’t that right Milah?”  
“Fuck you.”_

Killian flinched when he heard the man sit forward in his seat. “This is fucking pointless.” He growled.

“Neverland? That was the name of the movie, right?”

Killian stood up suddenly and began pacing. “How much longer do we need to talk about this today?”

The man shut his notebook. “This is your time, if this is too overwhelming for you on your first day, we can pick this back up in our next session.”

“Thrilling, I can’t wait.” Killian raced out the door, almost sprinting across the lawn before he found a spot against the wall underneath a tree and paused. He leaned against the building trying to calm his breathing. He said he would come here after his detox in order to satisfy his director, but he would be damned if he was going to spend his days baring his soul to a stranger about things he hadn’t even shared with his brother.

He agreed to lay off the drugs, he begrudgingly swore off rum to make everyone happy, but this went too far.

He was going to have to find a way around this therapist BS if he was going to get out of here.

He shoved off the wall and walked back toward his room, pausing as he passed the front desk. Blonde hair and gorgeous legs capturing his attention.  
“Name, please.”

The blonde rolled her eyes. “Emma.” She glared at Graham. “Swan.”

“Say’s Nolan in my logbook.”

“Listen asshole, it’s Emma Swan. Update your damn records.”

He licked his lips, working his eyes down to the curve of the woman’s ass. Maybe this place wouldn’t be so terrible after all.


	2. Emma Swan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Emma we just want you to get better. You’re sick.”  
> “Yeah, well I’m here right? I’m on an island I can’t escape from. What is the harm in letting me walk in there on my own?”  
> Her father grabbed her bags and started walking up the path to the center. “David.” He turned around, making his annoyance clear. “I think Emma can do the rest on her own.” He paused, looking between them both and then setting her bag down.  
> “Fine.”  
> She bent down and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Well, I’m off to prison.”

### 

### Chapter 2: Emma Swan

Emma sat on the plane with her arms crossed and a scowl on her face. She had never felt so trapped in her entire life. She bit the inside of her cheek and her knee began to bounce nervously.

“Emma, everything is going to be alright.”

Emma glared at her mother. “Easy for you to say, you aren’t about to be a prisoner in the middle of the fucking ocean.”

“Don’t you dare talk to your mother with that language.”

Emma narrowed her eyes in her father’s direction. “Apologizes Mother.” The woman smiled sadly. “Happy now, Dave?” She added icily.

“Emma Grace Nolan!” She smirked; her father hated that she had begun calling him by his first name. A fact she took great pleasure in.

The pilot announced that they would be landing, and she turned toward the window, avoiding further conversation with her parents.

Growing up the heiress to the Nolan empire would have been a gift to anyone else, but Emma had always considered it a curse. Her entire life she had been expected to dress to perfection, act like royalty, and most importantly, never soil the family name.

_“What’s your name?”  
“Wouldn’t you like to know!”  
“Girl, you are in a lot of trouble right now. You can tell me your name or not, either way I’m going to find out.”  
“Go to hell, officer.”  
“Have it your way.”_

The jolt of the wheels touching down tore her from her thoughts. She closed her eyes, wishing she were anywhere but here.

“I can do this on my own.” She said defiantly as her parents followed her to the waiting limo.

“Not happening.” Her father nodded at the driver and opened the door, waiting for Emma to enter the car before sitting down beside her.

“This is ridiculous, I’m not a child.”

“Then stop acting like one.”

“David.” Her mother scolded.

They rode the rest of the way in awkward silence. When Emma stepped out of the limo, she grabbed her mother by the arm. “If I have to do this the least you can do is let me go in alone.”

Her mother stared at her, and her face softened.

“Emma we just want you to get better. You’re sick.”

“Yeah, well I’m here right? I’m on an island I can’t escape from. What is the harm in letting me walk in there on my own?”

Her father grabbed her bags and started walking up the path to the center. “David.” He turned around, making his annoyance clear. “I think Emma can do the rest on her own.” He paused, looking between them both and then setting her bag down.

“Fine.”

She bent down and slung her bag over her shoulder. “Well, I’m off to prison.”

“Don’t think of it that way, Emma.” Her mother pleaded.

“Whatever.” She turned and walked away, not bothering to look back, choosing to ignore the pain on her mother’s face or the anger on her father’s that she knew was the mask he used to hide his concern.

She swung open the door to the center and walked up to the front desk. The man dressed in a security uniform looked up at her. He was gorgeous, but not the type of gorgeous she was used to seeing. Men in her circle knew they were good looking and with that brought the attitude and money to get any woman they wanted. He had a more down to earth sexy look that she didn’t see in the men she knew.

“Name, please.” He didn’t even bother to hold her gaze, he looked away and frowned.

“Emma Swan.”

“Say’s Nolan in my logbook.” He glanced at her and shrugged.

Emma groaned, ok gorgeous but annoying.

“Listen asshole, it’s Emma Swan. Update your damn records.”

She looked around anxiously as the man typed into his computer. Across the hall her gaze landed on the bluest eyes she had ever seen, staring holes into her. The corner of his lip turned upward into a cocky smirk. “Take a picture, it will last longer.” She cursed under her breath.

He strolled across the room toward her, her breath catching in her throat at the intensity of his stare. “Haven’t met Regina yet, have you lass? No phones allowed; thus, I am forced to burn every naughty detail of you into my brain so that I may use it later...” He leaned closer to her ear; his breath hot against her skin. “for personal reasons.”

The guard at the desk cleared his throat. “Jones, I know it’s your first day, but rule #3 makes this entire exchange completely pointless.”

“Aye, but I still have one hand left to take care of matters myself.” He held up his hand, gesturing with his middle finger toward the guard. Only then did Emma notice the missing appendage on his left side, forcing her eyes to return to man who was drawing her ire.

“What’s rule #3?”

The man smirked and walked away from her. “Good luck, Miss Swan.”

The guard stood, “Ignore him, he’s still adjusting to his first day.” He walked out from behind the desk, Emma was quick to notice that this man obviously worked out. Wonderland certainly didn’t seem to be short on attractive men, no matter how aggravating they were, at least it had great scenery. “Let me take you to Regina, this way.”

“Regina?”

“She’s the manager of WRC. She’ll go over the rules with you.”

“Like rule #3?”

“Ah yes, the no sex rule.”

Emma’s eyes widened, before she was ushered into the large office.

“Regina, I have a new patient. Emma Nolan.”

“Swan. Emma Swan.” She corrected. At least the annoying jerk with the amazing blue eyes and sexy swagger got her name right, even if he was mocking her while using it correctly.

“Please sit.” The woman spoke, gesturing her to the seat across from her. “Thank you, Graham.” The guard left the room and closed the door behind him.

“Miss Nolan, welcome to Wonderland.”

“Look, I prefer Swan, but just call me Emma, since no one seems to listen to my requests around here.”

“I don’t care what you want to be called. Honestly, my job is to ensure your recovery, Emma. That’s all.” She opened her file and began reading. “Born Emma Nolan.” She looked up at her and smiled. “Daughter of David and Mary Margaret Nolan of the Nolan Empire.” She sat down the binder. “Your father owns all those hotels across the world, is that correct?”

Emma rolled her eyes. “Yeah, boring.”

“Ah, not impressed with daddy’s money but more than happy to spend it, I’m sure.”

“Don’t pretend you know me.”

“Oh Emma, I don’t have to know you, I know your type. Born with more luxury than most people could ever dream to afford yet so deeply afflicted that you are afraid you’ll never get the one thing you desire the most.”

“And what would that be?”

“Being worthy of the family name.”

“I already told you, I don’t even want that name. I don’t give a fuck about being a Nolan.” The woman smiled and Emma looked away angrily. “Aren’t you supposed to give me the rules or some bullshit, or are we done now?”

“Of course, lets talk rules. You will have individual sessions with Dr. Hopper three times a week as well as group therapy once a week.”

“Can’t wait.” She mumbled and the woman grunted angrily before continuing.

“You’re to be in you room with lights out at 10pm each night.”

“I’m 20, not 12”

“You’re also not in a hotel and you will obey my rules or there will be consequences. There will also be no sex on these grounds.”

“So, I’ve heard. This place is a real downer.”

“Dr. Whale will provide you all of your mediation.” She picked up her file again and glanced through it until she found the information she needed. “Anxiety medication, as needed, as well as Birth Control medication, it appears.”

“Not sure why I need that here.” She scoffed.

“We allow our female patients to continue with their usual regimen since most have plans to leave and return to their lives. If you have plans to stay longer, I can let your Dr. know you won’t be needing it.”

“I never said that.”

“In that case, let me continue, there is a gym on site, as well as a registered dietician to use as needed. So now that we got that out of the way, we just need to sign the paperwork and I’ll need your cell phone.”

Emma yanked her phone out of her pocket and tossed it on the table. “Just give me the papers.”

She passed them toward her, “Please sign, Emma Nolan, that is your legal name.”

Emma grumbled as she took pen to paper, signing her name.

“You can make a phone call to mom and dad after you complete the first 14 days of your treatment.”

“Yeah right.”

“In any case, it will be available if you have changed your mind by then. Now let’s go meet your roommate before your first session with Dr. Hopper.”

“So much excitement, I can hardly contain myself.”

The woman did not hide her contempt toward her as they walked out of the office. Emma knew Regina’s type. She had seen it plenty of times before from the women who looked down their noses at Emma even as they attended her parent’s fancy parties. Those were the women who thought Emma was undeserving of her life. She hated women like Regina Mills. Eventually she would have to find a way to convince this lady to let her go home. She studied her cautiously as they walked. She would do what she always did, find a crack, and expose it.

“Ruby, I have your new roommate, Emma.”

Emma eyed the girl lying on her bed, engrossed in a magazine. “Bed’s over there.” The girl pointed to the other side of the room and the empty bed.

“Dr. Hopper should be ready to see you as soon as you unpack.” Regina nodded to the women and exited quickly.

“She’s a real piece of work.” Emma whispered under her breath.

“The word you’re looking for is bitch.” The tall dark-haired girl added.

“Glad it wasn’t just me thinking that.”

“You won’t have to deal with her much unless you break the rules, so obviously I see her at least once or twice a week.” She grinned.

Maybe she might actually like her roommate.

“I don’t know how you could even walk around here without breaking rule #3 at least once or twice a day.”

“You mean the eye candy?” Ruby mused. “It’s like they’re asking us to break that rule.”

Emma laughed heartily. “That security guard sure is nice to look at.”

“Graham, yeah he’s a bit of a straight arrow. He’ll flirt but I’ve never so much as even been able to convince him of a blow job. And he reports everything back to Regina, so I would tread lightly there.”

“Shame, he’s easy on the eyes.”

“Trust me, wait til you meet the men in our group session. They’ll have you wet and ready before you even leave your seat, I spend most of the session squirming in my chair, but then I’m also a sex addict so maybe it’s just me.”

“You can actually be addicted to sex?”

Ruby shrugged, “Yeah it’s a thing. Hop says I spend too much time worrying about my other vices and not enough looking at the reasons behind why I feel like I need sex all the time.”

Emma had never really enjoyed sex. But then she’d only ever been with Neal, so she didn’t have a lot of experience to compare it to. “So, what’s this Dr. Hopper like? Anything I should know?”

“He’s a nice guy, but not much gets by him. He asks more questions than you’ll be ready for. Best just to answer and move on.”

“We’ll see about that.”

Twenty minutes later, seated across from the curly haired doc and Emma understood what Ruby meant about his number of intrusive questions.

“So why do you think you are here?”

“Isn’t it obvious? My dad is pissed at me and sent me here for punishment.”

“Why do you think your dad is mad at you?”

“Embarrassment, not obeying him, and three thousand other stupid reasons he gets mad at me every day.”

“Why do you think he would be embarrassed?

_“Why would you do this Emma?”  
“Why do you care?”  
“Emma, I’m your father, I just want to understand why you would get involved in any of this? You knew how bad this would look if you got caught.”  
“Ah yes, what you actually mean is how bad it would look for you.”  
“Drugs, breaking and entering, stealing…Emma? Why? Why didn’t you talk to us?”  
“Don’t start acting like you give a damn now. This is the first time I’ve seen you in three months.”_

“He’s David fucking Nolan. Do you know how much money he paid just to keep my arrest out of the news?”

“Do you think he might have been protecting you?”

She laughed loudly, thinking about how absurd it sounded to her. “His business is his number one priority. Trust me, he doesn’t want anyone to find out about my…” She stiffened. “My uh, arrest.”

“You were arrested for breaking and entering, as well as possession of a schedule 2 substance, is that correct?”

She laughed. “It was a joke. We broke into a hotel of one of my dad’s competitors. Stole some cash.”

“We?”

“Um, a friend.”

“Were you also doing drugs with this friend?”

“Well, he wouldn’t be a friend if he didn’t share his drugs.” The joke fell flat as the man stared at her, making a note in his book. “Look it wasn’t a big deal.”

He flipped through the pages of her file. “You were high on cocaine the night you were arrested, is that correct?”

“I know, what a cliché, rich kid arrested doing coke.”

“It says in the report that you were the only one arrested. Where was your friend?”

“Took off. Gotta look out for yourself, right?” Emma chewed on her nails uncomfortably.

He paused and she braced for more questions about her _friend_ but was surprised when he moved on. “How long had you been doing cocaine?”

“I dunno, a few years. Everyone was doing it at parties, its not a big deal.”

“You spent 11 months in jail, isn’t that correct?”

“I don’t want to talk about that.”

“Did something bad happen in jail?”

Emma flinched.

_“Emma you can do it. One more push.”_

“I said I don’t want to talk about it.” She yelled, crossing her arms, and staring out the window. “Actually, I’m done talking at all today.”

When he became resigned to the fact that she had no intention of answering any more of his questions, he released her from the session. She stormed back to her room, unsure how she was going to survive this place. She hated being drilled and questioned by someone she didn’t even know.

God, she needed a drink.

She threw herself on her bed and groaned loudly.

“Told you the questions were brutal.”

Emma looked over at her new roommate. “What do you do around here for fun?”

The girl grinned. “Wanna get your heart rate up?”

She leaned onto her side, propping herself up on her elbow, her head cradling into her hand. “Somehow I don’t think you mean that in a way that is actually interesting or fun.”

“Come on. Trust me.”

She begrudgingly followed the girl through the hallways until she yanked open the double doors and paraded into the large gym.

“Ok you definitely lost me at physical exertion.”

“I said to trust me.”

She grumbled as they both walked over to the treadmills. “I don’t understand how exercise equates to…”

She gestured toward the opposite corner of the gym. “Nothing beats a good work out when you have something like that to look at.”

Emma watched the man remove his shirt and she grinned in the direction of her roommate. “Ok I’ve learned to trust you. You do know where all the fun is around here.”

“That’s Jefferson. Hot as hell, great in bed.” Emma stared at her, mouth standing open.

“You’ve had sex with him? Here?”

“Oh yeah, got a week of solitary for it but it was worth it.”

Emma increased the speed on her treadmill when two other men entered the room. The one Graham had called Jones with the blue eyes and smug attitude and a shorter man striding beside him.

“Oh, he’s new.” The girl sang beside her.

“Apparently it’s his first day. Graham called him Jones. Real asshole though.”

“Oh, even better, those are the best ones in bed.” She pointed to the guy next to him. “That’s Will. He’s hilarious, only got him to kiss me once, he has a fiancé waiting for him at home. Boring. Just don’t listen to a thing he says.” She laughs. “Compulsive liar.”

Emma watched as Jefferson greeted the two men. He lifted his shirt above his head and Emma felt her mouth go dry staring at his chest, a patch of dark hair trailing down into the waistband of his sweats.

“One hand, never done anyone in that situation before.” Ruby whispered.

The man stood in the corner, lifting one of the weights with his right arm, glancing in their direction. Emma increased the speed on her bike again, feeling the sweat starting to roll down her back. She swore she saw him smirk in her direction and she felt the fire between her legs start to burn. She broke eye contact with him, focusing on the numbers moving in front of her.

“Hello ladies.” She turned to see the one Ruby called Will approaching them.

“William. Fancy seeing you here.”

“Ruby Red, baby, glad to see you are back in general. Who’s your friend?”

“Will, Emma. Emma, Will.” Ruby introduced them, her voice coming out in strained breathes as she ran next to her.

“Lovely to meet you, I’m Will. Though you may have seen me on television.”

“Sorry, don’t watch a lot of television.”

He frowned and Jones approached them. “We meet again, Swan.”

“How unlucky for me.” She punched the stop button on her treadmill and slowed her pace as the machine came to a crawl.

“Was it something I said?” He laughed as she grabbed a towel and slung it over her neck.

“You breathed.” She groaned.

“I don’t believe we’ve met.” Her roommate stepped off her treadmill and held out her hand to Jones. “Ruby.”

“Pleasure is all mine, lass. Killian Jones.” He greeted.

“Aren’t you that pirate?”

“Aye, busted.”

“I knew it! Did you know that was him, Emma?” She squealed.

Emma stared at the two of them. Pirate? She squinted her eyes, staring at the man. She had no idea who he was. “Sorry, no idea, don’t care, honestly.”

He sauntered up beside her, dropping an arm around her shoulder. “Perhaps you know me by my more colorful moniker, Hook. Captain Hook?”

She grabbed his hand and plucked it off her shoulder. “Delightful and also ridiculous, but Sorry haven’t a clue who you are, don’t care for fairytales.”

“Never wanted to be a princess then, love?” His arm now sliding down around her waist.

She grabbed him by the hand, twisted in his grasp and pushed him to the ground, whipping his wrist behind his back. “I told you, I’m not interested.”

He laughed. “You sure about that, love.”

She leaned closer to his ear. “You couldn’t handle it.” With one sweep he wrapped his leg around her and flipped them over, his body pressing into hers.

“Perhaps you’re the one who couldn’t handle it.” His tongue clicking in her ear. In an instant her body caught fire at the tone of his voice, and the feel of his body on hers.

Asshole.

Her knee met his groin in a fury, and she felt him tense above her, rolling to his side with a loud groan. “Bloody minx.”

She stood up and peered down at him. “You deserved that.” She looked back at Ruby who was in the midst of a giggling fit. “Let’s get out of here.”

The girl wrapped her arm around Emma’s waist. “You are going to be so fun to hang around.” She laughed. “I bet you are amazing in bed.” Emma glanced sideways at her, not sure if she was hitting on her or just making a remark. “Would be worth a week in solitary to find out.”

Yep, definitely flirting with her. This place was going to be interesting.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys are enjoying so far :)


	3. Everyone's Got Demons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Good morning.” The group around Killian sang.
> 
> “Today we have two new friends joining us, so I’d like us all to go around the room and introduce ourselves.” The doctor announced as Killian glanced around the circle at the group in front of him. Talk about your rag tag group of individuals.

### 

### Chapter 3: Everyone’s Got Demons

“Good morning everyone.”

“Good morning.” The group around Killian sang.

“Today we have two new friends joining us, so I’d like us all to go around the room and introduce ourselves.” The doctor announced as Killian glanced around the circle at the group in front of him. Talk about your rag tag group of individuals.

He caught Emma’s eye and she abruptly looked away. He couldn’t help the rise in his eyebrow or the arrogant smirk that grew on his lips, he loved that he was under her skin.

After she had left the gym, his body still reacting to the memory of her pressed against him, he took an extra-long shower, one of the only places he had left in solitude where his mind was his own. He wasted no time imagining the blonde lass writhing in pleasure, screaming out his name, until he coated the shower walls with his seed.

She both frustrated and amused him like no other woman he had ever met, and while Ruby had already propositioned him the evening before, he was keeping his options open, or so he kept telling himself. He cleared his thoughts of unpleasantries and focused on the group in front of him.

“I’ll go first, been here the longest.” The man to his left began. “Jefferson’s the name, alcohol’s the game. Been here six long glorious months.” His sarcasm was dry, but the man seemed to take pleasure in his statement, Killian couldn’t imagine wanting to be here for six weeks much less six months. “If you want to know the hot spots on the island, I’m your man.” He nodded in Emma’s direction and Killian laughed loudly earning an abrasive glare in his direction from the blonde.

“Ok who’s next.” Dr. Hopper pressed on.

“I’ll go, I’m Will. If you watch television, you already know that I played a doctor on Day’s of our Lives for a while, pretty sure I won three Emmy’s or something.”

“You did not.” August coughed.

“I could have, Mate.”

“Continue Will.” Archie said impatiently.

“Anyway, been here two months, if any of you are around for the next family visit, my buddy Brad Pitt is coming to see me.”

“Bullshit, you don’t know Brad Pitt.” Jefferson spit out.

“Fuck you, ya git, I sure could know Brad Pitt.”

“Yeah, but you don’t.”

“Ok enough. Ruby do you want to go next?”

Ruby sat up in her seat, uncrossing her legs and staring directly at Killian as she spread them just enough so he could see her panties. “I’m Ruby, been here almost four weeks, I really miss drinking, but at least I remember what happens every night.” She crossed her legs and her tongue darted out to brush against her lips. “Some of those nights are especially worth remembering.” Killian smirked at her before turning his attention to Emma, catching her green orbs narrowed and scowling in his direction.

“I’ll have to allow you to show me around, lass.” He winked at the brunette, ignoring the blonde who was sitting on the other side of Ruby, her jaw tense.

“Thank you, Ruby, that will be enough.” Archie interjected. “August?”

“And miss all the fun? Man, fine.” His roommate chuckled before continuing. “My name is August, been here a little over 3 weeks. I uh, did a tour in Afghanistan right out of high school. Zero stars, do not recommend unless you really like sand with no beach.” He paused and looked around the room, awestruck that no one laughed. “Huh, tough crowd. Anyway, convoy got caught in a raid, lost most of my unit that day. Came home, wasn’t a fan of the nightmares so I started drinking a lot, but uh that didn’t really do anything for the nightmares, so logically I moved to cocaine. Worked out great for me, as you can tell with my current situation here.”

Emma snorted and then covered her mouth.

“Ok, at least one of us is paying attention to my humor.” August teased and Killian noticed the red tinge that formed on her cheeks.

“Thank you, August. So, all that’s left is our newbies. Which of you would like to go first?”

“I’m a firm believer that a lady should always go first.”

“Wow, such a gentleman.” Emma rolled her eyes.

“I’m always a gentleman.” He purred.

“This lady would prefer not to go first.” She replied in a brittle tone.

“If you insist, lass.” He mockingly bowed. “Names Jones, or Killian, either works. I got here this week, so as the Doc stated, I’ve still got that new patient smell. Don’t really have a favorite vice, rum, coke, heroin, whatever my money could buy.”

“Can I ask, what happened to the hand?”

“Jesus, Will.” Ruby slapped the man in the arm.

“What? I’m bloody curious, don’t tell me you aren’t. You’re practically eye fucking him.”

Killian stared at the ground. “Uh, yeah nothing too exciting, freak accident on set. That’s the breaks of being a movie star.” He grinned.

“He’s right!” Will chimed in. “Movie sets are dangerous.”

“Like you’d know, ya idiot.”

“Bullshit.” Emma coughed into her hand and then rolled her eyes. “If he’s done yammering, I’ll go now.” Emma sank down in her chair.

Killian nodded in her direction. “Aye, you have the floor, love.”

“My name’s Emma Swan.” He noticed her emphasize the last name that she argued so furiously to own with Graham. “I’m here because my parents are assholes who don’t understand what having a good time is, and the fact that this hour has been a pure waste of my energy, only goes to prove that they are getting their money’s worth for my torture.”

“Woah.” Jefferson moaned beside him. “I’m so turned on right now.” He said under his breath and Killian scowled at him.

“So, what was your good time, drugs, alcohol?” August asks her seriously.

“I like whiskey, Oxy, some coke, whatever’s available.”

“Oxy and Coke, is the little rich girl mad at her daddy?” He joked in a coarse tone that had Emma immediately reeling.

“What the fuck does that mean?”

“Don’t get offended, it just sounds like a spoiled rich kid combination. What are you 17?”

“I’m 20, fuck you very much.” He held in the snort that threatened to spit from his mouth.

“Sorry, you’re right, that’s so grown up. Did daddy not buy you a Ferrari for your birthday?” August’s curt responses continued to infuriate the girl.

“What’s your fucking problem with me?”

“No problem, just that you seem pretty disinterested in owning any of the blame for you sitting in that chair.”

“Lay off she just got here, Aug.” Ruby scolded.

“Yeah, and she’s gonna be here as long as Jefferson with that attitude. Everyone’s got demons Rubes.”

“Don’t drag me into your attack.” Jefferson complained and Killian sat back further in his chair, thankful that the heat was not on him. “I would not complain if I got to enjoy her company longer.” Killian rolled his eyes. This guy was getting on his fucking nerves.

“Ok we’re getting off track.” The Doctor made an earnest attempt to gain control of the group again. “I think what August is trying to say.” He glared in August’s direction. “is that it is important for recovery to understand what part you played in being here and owning up to what caused you to spiral.”

“Well, I wasn’t in a spiral.”

“Do you think your arrest was a cry for help?” Their therapist asked.

The girl flinched when the doctor spoke, and Killian leaned forward. Arrested? She keeps getting more interesting by the minute.

“Jail bird, the story gets better.” The idiot beside him giggled in delight and Killian was surer now than he was five minutes ago that something was off with the guy.

“Cry for help? I sure as fuck didn’t get arrested on purpose, if that’s what you’re insinuating. And I didn’t need any help, it was just breaking and entering, haven’t you ever stolen anything? Besides, I was just unlucky based on the fact I got caught.”

“Were you high when you got arrested?” Archie asked.

“What do you think?” She grumbled.

“So, wait, what the hell did the rich kid need to steal?” August jeered at her again.

“Does it matter?”

“Just curious.” He shrugged indifferently.

“I stole something once on set.”

“Shut up Will.” August spat and the younger man pouted in his seat.

“Ok I think Emma has shared enough for her first session.” Dr. Hopper said as he closed his folder. Emma was staring out the window, her face red with anger.  
The rest of the session he spent observing her, never joining in the discussion again, her silence an obvious act of defiance. He admired her stubbornness but knew that August was right on some point. She’d never get out of here if she continued down this path. Not that he cared, he told himself. She was not his problem, he had enough of those on his own. She was just a distraction, he had even thought that perhaps she would be an interesting conquest, at least until he could get the hell out of here.

“Alright good stuff today. I’ll see you all in your individual sessions the rest of the week.” Dr. Hopper stood and Emma stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

“Was it something I said?” August joked.

“You can be such a jerk, August.” Ruby scolded him.

“It’s not my fault she’s in denial.”

“Is it really your job to point that out to her though?” Killian stated firmly.

“Why do you care anyway, new guy?”

“I don’t.” He shrugged.

“Good cause your time is coming, it’s not like you shared much today.”

“Didn’t realize you were so excited to hear about my beginnings roomie, I’ll try and do better for you next time.” Turning on his heals, he walked out of the building, breathing in the island air, and walking toward the beach. He didn’t need this shit. It was bad enough he had to share personal details with Dr. Hopper but to have to tell complete strangers about all the things he had done wrong in his life was bad form.

Reaching the water, he stood and looked out at the horizon. He loved the water, the smell, the sound, her temperament. One moment she could be calm, salted ripples trickling across your toes and the next minute her anger would rise, tearing at the rocks around her while she screamed and whistled her destruction.

He walked along the shore, tossing small pebbles toward the water, the tide tickling his toes as the soft waves lapped at his feet. He found an old pier on the back side of the island; it didn’t appear like it was in use. Ducking under the salt battered planks, he exhaled a sigh of relief as he stood, bathed in the darkness, the moonlight kissing the wet sand just outside the shadow of the pier. It was the first time since he had gotten to the island that he truly felt like he could breathe.

He threw himself down onto the shore, digging his fingers into the gritty sand. Regardless of the view he currently afforded, he closed his eyes, wishing to be anywhere but here.

“Are you following me, or am I really this unlucky?” He looked up to see Emma, her figure hiding in the shadows above him on the embankment below the pier.

“Considering you are interrupting my privacy, it would seem you were spying on me, love.”

“Not your damn love so you can stop saying that, and I was here first.”

He looked up to see the blonde with her arms crossed against her chest. “Apologies, would you prefer I call you Nolan.”

“Listen Asshole, I know all about your kind.”

“My kind?” he responded, clearly offended.

“Big ego, small dick.”

“That’s quite mean-spirited, but I can assure you that’s not the case.”

“Don’t care, not interested.”

“Whatever you say, Swan.” He turned back toward the ocean, trying to focus his thoughts. “You know if you intend to walk out of here before you become an old maid, I’d suggest you learn to play the game better.”

“Oh please, and you know how to play the game?” She plopped down beside him, her bare toes curling in the sand and suddenly he had a vision of her wrapped in his arms, the waves lapping at their naked bodies while her toes curled for less innocent reasons. He pushed the thought away, the stress of the last couple of days obviously torturing him in ways he had not prepared for.

“I wasn’t the one claiming I had no business in rehab.”

“I don’t belong here.” She insisted.

“Sure, you don’t. Everyone does cocaine by the time they’re 20.” He responded dryly.

“At least I’m not a fucking liar.”

He turned toward her, his jaw tense. “I beg your pardon?”

“Oh please, I know a liar when I see one.”

“I can assure you I’ve never lied to you. We hardly know each other, lass.”

“Freak accident, my ass.” He turned back toward the ocean. “That’s what I thought.” She announced triumphantly.

“It’s none of your damn business.” He growled. “But seriously, jail? How’d a fragile lass such as yourself end up there?”

“Fragile? I seem to recall how fragile your balls were when I smashed them with my knee the other day.”

“Ouch Swan, you wound a man.” He stared at her with a patronizing look of shock on his face. “Besides, I was just pointing out that you’ve been to jail, which was quite shocking and unexpected.”

“I’m so sorry that I didn’t meet your expectations, Jones, your respect and admiration was clearly very important to me.” She groaned.

“Does your sarcasm actually work for you where you come from?”

“Are you always such an asshole where you come from?” She patronized and he tried to hide the smile that threatened to grow on his face.

“Actually, I am.” He said simply.

“Gonna tell me how you really lost the hand.”

“Told you, freak accident.” He lifted his arm, prosthetic hand attached.

She laughed, “Sticking with that story, huh. Suit yourself, I don’t give a damn.” She stood up and began storming back toward the center.

“Want to tell me what you stole that got you sent to jail?”

“Fuck off.” She yelled back toward him, her stride quickening as she practically sprinted toward the buildings.

He turned back toward the ocean and sighed.

_“Would you slow down!”  
“You’ve lost the right to yell at me, dammit.”  
“Then pull over and fucking let me out.”  
“Got a date?”  
“Stop it. It was one time.”  
“Fucking liar. Still can’t tell me the goddamn truth. Is the baby even mine?”  
“Killian, how dare you.”  
“Is it! Tell me the fucking truth, Milah.”  
“Let me the hell out of this car.”_

He fell back into the sand, squeezing his eyes shut. God, he’d give anything for a glass of rum.

He lay there in the sand for hours until his watch beeped on his arm signaling that it was 9:45. Almost time for lights out. He figured it wouldn’t be good to miss his curfew the first week he got here. He sat up, grabbing a handful of sand, and tossing it toward the surf before turning and making his way back to his room.

“Made it just in time.” His roommate announced as his head hit the pillow.

“Don’t want to make a bad impression in my first week.” The man was watching him earnestly and Killian could tell he had something he else he wanted to say.

“So, group is obviously intense, don’t let it get to you. Honestly, we all say things in there that piss each other off, but we’re just trying to help each other.”

“So that was you helping the girl?”

“Yes, she wasn’t being honest with us, much less herself. You gotta call bullshit when you see it.”

“Seems a bit harsh in her first session.”

The man sat up on his bed. “Do you have a hard on for her or something?”

“Not at all, perhaps it’s just that we arrived on the same day and I’m still a bit overwhelmed myself.”

“Well keep it that way, the best way to derail your recovery is to get involved with another addict.”

“So, you’ve never, you know, distracted yourself with Ruby?”

“Ruby’s a sad case, I’ve seen her hit bottom here, best to stay away.” He paused. “Besides, a guy like yourself, don’t you have someone waiting for you at home?”  
Killian bit his lip, staring up at the ceiling, his heart racing.

_“I love you, Milah. Please. Please baby.”_

“I recently saw the end of my previous relationship.” He bit his lip. “We were together for six years.”

“Oh man, tough break. Is that what sent you off the deep end?”

“I suppose it was a factor. But I got here quite on my own, I fear.” Milah and Killian shared in their desire to find the perfect high, spent many a night on the hotel roof, drinking and shooting heroine. Robin had never approved of his relationship with her and did his best to try and persuade him away from her. Liam had never felt that she was good enough for Killian. In the end, he guessed Milah was his undoing. But he deserved it. He deserved everything that had happened to him that got him to this point.

“That’s true for all of us. I supposed you’re on the right path if you can admit that piece. That’s the hardest part; accepting responsibility.”

“If you know so much, why are you still here?”

He laughed. “That’s the problem, you can accept responsibility, own up to what you’ve done, accept your downfalls, and still fail.” He rolled onto his back before continuing. “This isn’t my first time here. I’ve faced my demons in the past, but they keep coming back.” He added softly.

“Not to be rude, Mate, but how is it you can afford a place such as this, especially more than once?”

“You mean, how can an army guy afford to pay six figures?”

“Well, yeah.”

“After I got out of the army, I didn’t immediately dive into a bottle. My first distraction was to tinker with things. I was into computer tech in the army, so I kept it up after I got out. Created a few security platforms, social media, next thing I know I’m getting bought out by Google for more money than I’d ever seen in my life.”

“Damn!” Killian was decidedly impressed by the man.

“Yeah, not sure I’d do it again if given the chance. Giving me money was like lighting a fire under a bed soaked in kerosene. I found new ways to quiet my mind that only created new horrors. Live and learn, man.”

“Aye, there are days I wish I could go back to simpler times as well, before all the fame and attention. Many a night I wish to go back to the days of strumming the strings of my guitar in my father’s garage, writing a mournful tune about lost love.”

“Best we can do is shake this thing and try and do better.”

Killian nodded as the lights flicked off in his room, Graham sticking his head through the door. “Lights out.”

“Night Graham.” August yelled out as the man disappeared into the dark hallway. “You get used to it. Best advice…” He paused. “Learn to fall asleep quickly. Those demons find you at night if you spend too much time thinking about them.”

Killian didn’t want to tell the man that he rarely slept. He’d had trouble since he left the hospital after the accident.

“Oh, and by the way, if you hear me start yelling in the middle of the night, don’t try and wake me up before Graham gets here. I’m trained in hand-to-hand combat and might snap your neck.”

“Lovely.” He said dryly.

He closed his eyes and tried to find sleep, knowing it wouldn’t come. Instead, he found himself replaying the same scene over and over in his head.

_“I love you, Milah. Please. Please baby.”  
“Sir, we need to take you to the hospital, you’re going to have to let her go.”  
“Help her, please help her.”  
“What’s your name?”  
“Killian, Killian Jones. Please help her, this is all my fault.”  
“Killian, we need to get you to the hospital right now before you bleed out. You can’t help her.”  
“Please, she’s pregnant.”_

Clenching his fist, he forced his breathing to slow, his eyes squeezing shut to keep the tears from coming, his only hope that daylight would come quickly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alright we've met the whole gang for this group of dysfunctional but loveable addicts. We will have ups and downs so I hope you enjoy the rollercoaster with me. (See you all next Saturday. I post a sneak peek every Wednesday on my Tumblr @wefoundloveunderthelight) Fell free to follow or message me there if you want to chat :)


	4. It's a Mad World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “And you think you belong in here?”
> 
> “Oh no, I hate Wonderland.” He exclaimed. “But unfortunately, I have an affliction. Do you know what it’s like to be at odds with yourself? It’s like having two lives yet they live inside one mind. Double the pain, double the suffering.”

****

**Chapter 4: It’s a Mad World**

“Are you feeling defensive today because of the way the group session went yesterday?”

Emma looked up defiantly at her therapist. “Do you always let them say whatever they want?”

“It’s important that everyone in group gets to speak their mind, that includes you.”

“August was doing more than speak his mind. He called me a goddamn spoiled rich kid with daddy issues.”

“Are you?”

“What the fuck?” Emma said angrily.

“Emma, your father is rich, you’ve been afforded things that most others have not.”

“So what? That gives him the right to talk about me that way?”

“I didn’t say that I just asked what your thoughts are on his statement.”

“I think he’s full of shit.”

“How is your relationship with your father?”

“Wow. Ok. Well, he traveled a lot.” She rolled her yes. She wasn’t exaggerating, she saw her father maybe once or twice a month when he wasn’t on some business trip that took him out of the country.

“Did you resent him for that?” The man was staring into her soul.

“Hard to resent someone you barely know.” She stared at her fingers, clicking her nails against each other.

“What about your mother?”

“She’s dad’s soldier. Does all his work for him back home while he’s out there making his mark on the world.”

“She’s a manager at the New York Hotel?”

“Yes, she runs all his North American hotels. She’s smart, runs a tight ship. Honestly, mom could have done anything she ever wanted.”

“Did she always want to work in management?”

“God no, she wanted to be a teacher. Mom loves kids.”

“Yet you’re an only child?”

“Yeah well, guess they got too busy to think about a brother or sister, or maybe I was just too much of a handful, you’d have to ask them.”

Emma knew her mother wanted desperately to have another child; she’d heard her parents argue about it a few times when she was younger. When she turned 15, her mother went through a period of depression. Emma had escaped the house on more than one occasion with Neal to avoid their fighting.

“ _David, we waited too long.”_

_“You don’t know that darling, the doctors said this could have happen for any number of reasons.”_

_“If you’d been home more, actually been here.”_

_“You’re blaming me for this?”_

“Do we have to talk about my parents?” Emma stirred nervously in her chair.

“What would you like to talk about?”

“I don’t know, I’ve never done this before.”

“Let’s talk about Neal.”

“Why?”

“He’s your boyfriend?”

She bit her lip and shifted in her chair. “Ok yeah, sure. I met Neal when I was 12. We went to school together.”

“And your parents like him?”

“My parents love Neal. Sometimes I think they like him more than me.”

_“I’m so disappointed in you Emma. How could you do this again?”_

_“Why do you care?”_

_“Don’t talk to your mother like that and answer the question.”_

_“I was just having fun with friends. It’s not that big a deal.”_

_“You’re drunk! You’re only 16. How is this not a big deal, Emma?”_

_“Seriously mom, stop acting so high and mighty.”_

_“You need to find better friends. I can’t believe you ditched Neal to go drinking. Really Emma, after the way he stood by you the last time you got in trouble!”_

_“Are you fucking serious right now?”_

_“Emma Nolan, you are grounded for a month.”_

“Why do you think that?”

“Neal does no wrong. He’s perfect. Heir to the Gold throne. Hell, I think my dad believes he walks on water.”

“Are you jealous of their affection toward him?”

“Jealous? No, I just find it hypocritical. They immediately believe that I’m the bad influence, no one stopped for one second to ask about Neal and what he was up to. Not once.”

“Should they have? Was there a reason for them not to trust Neal?”

“And once again, I’m bored with this subject.” She crossed her legs underneath her on the chair and buried her face in her hands.

_“Come on Emma, just try it one time. If you don’t like it, you never have to do it again.”_

_“I don’t know, Neal. Is it dangerous?”_

_“Of course not, why do you think so many people are doing it? It will make you feel good, don’t you want to feel good?”_

“Ok Emma let’s talk about what happened after you got arrested. How long were you in jail?”

“I spent 11 glorious months behind bars at Lakeview Shock Correctional. Not like it was hard time or anything, daddy paid a pretty penny to hide me in a minimum-security housing facility.”

“So, it wasn’t a juvenile center?”

“Nope, that really pissed him off, I got busted a week after my 18th birthday.”

“Did you have a difficult time while you were there?”

_“Emma you can do it. One more push.”_

_“Oh God.”_

_“That’s it, the head is out.”_

_“It’s a boy. Do you want to hold him?”_

_“No.”_

“Nope, pretty ordinary. Bad food, lots of alone time. Nothing to write home about.” She stared out the window, willing her subconscious to float above her, to drown out the memories and keep the tears at bay.

Her father had paid a lot of money to keep her out of prison, but mostly to keep the story hidden. The minute the baby was ushered out of the room, she was returned to her cell and no one ever spoke of it again. Her father refused to talk about it when she returned home, and her mother continued to pretend like nothing had ever happened.

“Ok Emma, I think that’s enough for today.” He was looking at her with apprehension.

“Awesome.” She pushed out of the chair and sprang free from the room, all the air draining from her lungs. She started to tug at the hem of her t-shirt, feeling like she was trapped in her clothes. She looked around the courtyard, she felt like everything around her was blurring before her eyes.

No! She couldn’t have an anxiety attack out here in the open.

Before she realized what was happening, she was running. She didn’t turn around or stop until she reached the sands of the beach. Bending over and heaving out breathes as she tried to stop her heart from racing. She turned toward the pier and ducked under the boards, climbing the sandy hill hidden from the sun and falling into the sand, her sobs coming out in panicked spurts.

“We really need to stop meeting like this, love.”

_No. No. No. No. Not now._

“Go away.” She shouted, sucking in her breath.

“Are you alright, Swan?”

She sat up, tossing sand in his direction. “I’m fucking fine, now go away.” She watched him standing at the bottom of the hill, she could tell he was debating his next move and unless it was leaving, she was going to beat his ass.

Of course, he wouldn’t just leave, she watched him climb the sandy hill toward her.

“You don’t appear to be fine, lass.”

“Why are you so damned irritating?” She screamed, the tears starting to fall down her cheeks again. She blew out a breath and sucked in the air again.

“Swan, you need to breathe. You’re going to hyperventilate.” She rocked back and forth, her arms hugging her chest. She felt warmth against her back, a hand brushing circles against the fabric of her shirt. “It’s better to let it out.” His breath was warm against her ear as he pulled her into the side of his body.

Her hand clinched in his shirt, balling her fist against his chest. “I told you to leave!” She sobbed into his body.

“It’s bad form to leave a damsel in distress.”

She pulled back from him, his face staring at her with a concern that only fueled her annoyance. She felt anger rising in her chest when their eyes met. “The only one who saves me, is me.” She spat.

“Don’t take offense, I’m only trying to help.”

“You are so goddamn frustrating.” He smirked, which only made things worse. She needed to run away from the heat of the man seated beside her, away from his eyes staring into her soul, his arrogant smile still stuck to his face. The fact that he actually seemed worried about her was making the hairs on her arm stand on end. She shoved away from him, “Let go of me.” She stood up and he grabbed her hand.

“Emma…”

She yanked her hand back as if she had been shocked. “Stop touching me, asshole.”

“You really are a pain in the ass.” He stood up, his face inches from hers.

“I’m a pain in the ass? You’re the one who keeps following me around.”

“I was here first, love.”

Emma balled her hands in his shirt before she could stop herself, yanking his lips down to meet hers in a fury of heat and wanton desire. He didn’t hesitate to respond in kind, his fingers tangling tightly in her blonde locks as his tongue pressed against her lips. She opened her mouth with a groan, clinging to him in desperation as their tongues intertwined. When she came up for air, his forehead pressed against hers.

A sudden realization of what she had done began to dawn on her. She frantically pulled away from him.

“That was…” He started to speak, and she panicked.

“A one-time thing. A distraction. That’s all.” She backed away from him, turning quickly to leave and not looking back.

“Emma.”

“Don’t follow me.” She spat.

“As you wish.” She heard him say softly behind her.

She grumbled to herself all the way back to her room, when she entered, Ruby was putting on yoga pants and a sports bra.

“Emma, you’re just in time.” She looked up at her. “Oh my, are you alright? You look pale.”

“Gee thanks, but yes I’m fine, rough day in therapy.” She tore her t-shirt off her body. “What am I just in time for?”

“Spin class!”

“Um, yeah pass.”

“No way, you’re coming with me. It’s the best way to de-stress after therapy. Trust me, Zelena is amazing.”

She considered her options, either sit in her room, and relive the last fifteen minutes over and over in her head, thus driving herself insane, or sweat the kiss out of her system.

“Ok fine, spin it is.”

What Ruby failed to mention was that when she said that Zelena was amazing, what she meant was an insane crazy person.

“Come on you animals, push it harder! Sweat your way to recovery.”

“Oh my God what is with this woman, I can’t push any harder.” Emma panted.

“I heard that.” Zelena yelled in her direction, “When you think you can’t go any faster, find it in yourself to pick up the pace.”

Emma groaned and wiped the sweat off her forehead with her hand.

“Don’t just walk in my room late and expect not to get on one of these bikes.”

Emma peered over her shoulder and grunted when she saw August and Killian enter the room.

Can she do anything without that asshole following her?

She expected him to jump on the bike behind her and make some sort of inappropriate comment about her ass but instead he took the bike next to Ruby.

“I love seeing a woman work up a sweat.” He smiled at Ruby who giggled loudly.

“No laughing in my class, if you’re having fun, you aren’t working hard enough.” Zelena yelled.

She peered in his direction and their eyes met for half a second before he turned his attention back to Ruby. She rolled her eyes and focused her energy on moving her feet.

“Let’s go kids, five more minutes.” The red head screamed.

“I can go for _more_ than five minutes, lass.” She heard Killian murmur toward Ruby.

“Oh, I bet you can.” Ruby returned the flirtatious discussion.

“If only I knew someone who could make that happen around here.”

“Maybe you do.”

Emma was getting winded, letting out a guttural groan, she took her feet off the pedals, the wheels spinning on their own until they came to a stop. She jumped off the bike and grabbed a towel, wrapping it around her neck and swigging from her water bottle before walking out of the gym, ignoring the red headed instructor who was yelling at her to get back on her bike.

She turned the corner to the dorms and ran into something solid.

“Apologizes! I hope I didn’t hurt you, beautiful.”

She looked up and smiled at Jefferson. “Sorry, that was my fault, I should have been paying attention.”

“No harm, no foul, Miss Emma.” He stared down at her. “Are you quite all right? You seem sad.”

“It’s been a long day.”

“Trust me, I know, I’ve had six months of them here.”

She laughed. “How have you survived?”

“Wanna know my secret?”

“Oh yes.”

“Come this way.” He grabbed her by the hand and pulled her down a series of corridors until she no longer recognized where they were. He turned around and put his forefinger over his lips and she put her hand over her mouth. He pushed through the double doors, bending over, and creeping along the wall. He peeked up into one of the windows and then pulled her past it into a dark room.

When they were both standing in the dark, he let go of her hand and moved away from her to the other side of the room. She heard a clicking sound, a soft light illuminated his face before the light was extinguished.

He was by her side again, and she felt his lips against her ear. “Follow me.”

She turned and followed him back the way they came until they were standing outside the doors they entered, and he was dragging her through another set of doors into a part of the courtyard she had never seen before.

“What did we just do?” She exclaimed as he plopped down onto the grass lawn and patted beside him for her to sit. When she did, he passed her a small edible item. “Ding dongs? Did we just do all that to steal ding dongs?”

He popped one into his mouth, lying back on the grass. “There’s nothing better after a stressful day. And they don’t give them out to the patients, but I found out that one of the cooks absolutely loves them and hides them in the storage behind the kitchen.”

Emma fell back onto the grass next to him, leaning her head onto his crossed arm. She took a bite of the treat and moaned. “Oh my God, that is good.”

“I told you.” He smirked. “You forget the simple things when you are out there, dealing with the world.”

She sighed. “Why are you still here after six months?” She asked seriously.

“It’s hard enough to live in a land where you don’t belong but knowing it…holding conflicting realities in your head…will drive you mad.”

“And you think you belong in here?”

“Oh no, I hate Wonderland.” He exclaimed. “But unfortunately, I have an affliction. Do you know what it’s like to be at odds with yourself? It’s like having two lives yet they live inside one mind. Double the pain, double the suffering.”

Emma frowned. “Don’t you want to get better?”

“I supposed I do. And yet here I am.” He grinned at her.

“You’re very odd.”

“Thank you.” He laughed, sitting up on his elbow and leaning closer to her. “I could tell the first day in group that you were special. Don’t let August scare you off.”

“Oh, I’m uh, I can handle him.”

“I believe that.”

He leaned over, lightly brushing his lips against hers and then pulling back to look at her. “I apologize, I’ve been arguing with myself for the last ten minutes about doing that.”

She didn’t know what to think of the kiss, Jefferson was sweet and kind, with a strange air about him, and the kiss was so very different than what she had experience earlier kissing Killian. The kiss from Jefferson was almost comforting compared to the desperate need she experienced earlier under the pier.

Both of their watches began beeping and she sat up quickly.

“Oh my, have we been out here that long? I uh, guess we should get back to our rooms or we’ll miss lights out.”

“Time flies when you are having fun. I’ll show you the way back.” He stood up, reaching his hand out for her. He pulled her to her feet and tugged her forward, keeping his hand in hers. Once they reached the building, he dropped her hand, guiding her through the hallways until she started to recognize her surroundings. He stopped at the fork in the hall.

“This is where we part, beautiful.”

“Thank you for sharing your secret with me tonight.” She whispered.

“I only hope it helped. Goodnight.” He winked before turning away from her and skipping toward his room.

Emma grinned and walked the rest of the way to her room. Ruby was lying on her bed. “There you are.”

“Oh hey.”

“You just took off tonight. What happened?”

“Just overheated, needed to get some air.”

“Ah Zelena’s classes can be like that. She’s pretty serious about cardio.”

“Yeah, I guess.”

“You sure you’re ok? This wasn’t about Killian was it?”

“No, why would you think that?”

“I don’t know, you just seemed upset when we were flirting today. Are you interested in him? Because I can totally back off if you two have something going on?”

Emma bit her lip. She was most definitely not interested in that asshole. Not at all. Not even a little.

_Liar._

“Nope, he’s all yours. I’m not into assholes.”

“Suit yourself, but honestly, can you imagine what he can do with that mouth of his?”

Emma flushed, remembering the feel of his mouth burning on her lips. “Never really thought about it honestly, he’s not my type.”

“Which part? The accent, the arms, his abs, or the bulge in his pants, cause I could keep going if I haven’t proven my point yet.”

“I didn’t say he wasn’t hot. He’s just…” She got into her bed and turned off the lights to mask the redness growing in her cheeks. “I can assure you his ego is probably bigger than his dick.”

“Well, one of us needs to find out, and if you’re not interested, then I volunteer as tribute.” She joked.

Emma rolled her eyes and turned over on her side, squeezing her eyes shut and praying for sleep. “You’re such a nerd, Ruby. But seriously good luck with that.” She grumbled before she fell asleep, blue pools of light haunting her dreams.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have updated the Chapter length to 21 chapters, I'm excited to say I have written all the words for Wonderland and I'm just going through and editing it now. :) Hope you are all enjoying the fic. Thanks again for reading!


	5. Understanding in a Car Crash

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Killian chuckled. “Got any tips for me?”
> 
> “If you want him to change the subject, talk about sex.” She giggled and ran her hand along the buttons of his jacket, fondling them with her long fingers.
> 
> “Not sure that tactic would work for me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This could have a trigger affect regarding suicide. If you or anyone you know needs help, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline1-800-273-TALK (8255) or text TALK to 741741 for 24/7, anonymous, free counseling.

****

**Chapter 5: Understanding in a Car Crash**

It’s not that Killian was not looking forward to his therapy session, in fact, that would be an understatement, but he had woken up in such a foul mood that he didn’t even want to leave his room.

“You know it’s just like detox. You’re on day 5. Reality is setting in.”

He looked over at August staring at him. “I already have a therapy session with Hopper today; I don’t need you psychoanalyzing me as well.

“Sorry, just offering some reassurance.” The man threw his hands in the air in surrender and Killian decided it would be just as bad to stay here as it would be to face Dr. Hopper’s questions.

Stepping into the courtyard he watched as Ruby left Hopper’s office. He strolled toward the tall brunette, grinning when he noticed her immediate recognition of him. She smiled and strutted in his direction.

“Hey there handsome.” She flirted.

“How was your session?”

She pursed her lips and shrugged. “Eh, I talk more than I should, so I think he’s happy when I leave.”

Killian chuckled. “Got any tips for me?”

“If you want him to change the subject, talk about sex.” She giggled and ran her hand along the buttons of his jacket, fondling them with her long fingers.

“Not sure that tactic would work for me.”

“Well, if you ever need help working on that tactic, you could always practice on me.” She pressed her hand into his jacket against his chest. “Maybe after dinner tonight?”

“Tonight huh? Let me see how this session goes, I’ll think about it.”

“Ok don’t think about it too long, I happen to know that they close off the back side of the island after 5pm so, if you’re interested in exploring…” Her hands roamed toward the waist band of his jeans. “Just let me know.”

“Will do, lass.”

“Good luck.” She purred, swinging her hips as she walked away.

He pushed open the door to Hopper’s office and stepped inside. “Afternoon Killian.”

“Same day, Same Island.” He joked and settled into the couch.

“Today I want to talk more about Milah.”

“Wow right for the balls.” He grumbled.

“Why would you think that? I’m interested in what your relationship was like with your fiancé Milah. Where did you two meet?”

_“Hi, I’m Milah, I’m pretty sure I’m your biggest fan.”_

_“Hi Milah, I’m Killian. Thanks for coming to the show tonight.”_

“We uh, we met at one of my shows. She was a fan of the band.”

“When did it move from fan to dating?”

“It was pretty quick. We went out that night, it was a whirlwind courting. At least that’s what Robin says about it.”

“Did Robin like Milah?”

He laughed. “Hell no. Robin called her a gold digger.”

“Did that cause an issue with the band?”

“Rob’s a good guy. He didn’t like her but he’s my mate, so he didn’t push things, no one else would dare bring it up.”

“When did you get engaged?

“About 8 months after we started dating. I had just started filming the sequel for Neverland.”

“When was the wedding taking place.”

Killian tensed. “Um, it was going to be right after the sequel came out, but we uh, we postponed it.”

“Oh, and why was that?”

“There was a lot going on. I uh.” He stared out the window. “Milah and I were fighting a lot during filming.”

“Was Milah accepting of your lifestyle? The drugs?”

“Um yeah, she didn’t have any issues with it.”

“Did she participate?”

“You mean did I do drugs with my fiancé?”

“If that’s how you want me to ask it, yes.”

“Yes, Rob was against the drugs, its part of the reason he disliked Milah so much.”

“Was she high the night of the accident?”

Killian rubbed his palms on his jeans. “No, she wasn’t doing drugs because of the baby.”

“How far along was she?”

“Six months. Doctor said the baby was the size of a mango, so I had just started calling her mango, you know at nights. I always thought it was funny they compared a babe to fruit.”

“But you were still using, while she was pregnant?”

He stared out the window. “Uh yeah. Like I said, there was a lot going on with the baby, I was away a lot because of filming, and when she was with me on set, I felt like she wasn’t really there for me.”

“Were you using the night of the accident?”

“I wasn’t high. I’d had a few drinks, that’s all.”

“Can you remember how many?”

“No, like I said, it was a few.”

“The accident report doesn’t mention driving under the influence, just that rain was a factor.”

“I was bleeding out when they got there, they rushed me into surgery, guess I got lucky I was in shock, so they didn’t think to test.”

“Do you remember the accident?”

Killian glanced at the ceiling. “I uh, not really.”

_“Let me the hell out of this car.”_

_“So, you can run back to him?”_

_“I want out.”_

_“Don’t you fucking open that door.”_

_“Killian, look out.”_

“What do you remember?”

“Um, it was raining. I guess I hit a truck. Totaled my car. I remember the ambulance coming.” His voice trailed off, his squeezed his eyes shut.

“The report said that Milah died on contact. Did you know before you went to the hospital?”

He felt a stray tear roll down his cheek. “I…I don’t know. I um, I guess I was in shock. They made me let go of her.”

“Were you aware of your own injury?”

“No.”

“How does it make you feel, knowing what happened that night?”

“How the fuck do you think it makes me feel? Why would you even ask that? It felt like shit! Is that what you want to hear? It was the worst day of my damned life and no matter what I do, no matter how long I spend on this island, none of that is going to make it right. Nothing can fix the fact that I killed her. I killed them both.”

He buried his face in his palm, sobbing.

“Killian, I think it’s important to note that even though nothing you do will ever bring back Milah or the baby, it is important to remember that you didn’t die that night with them. You are still here. Only you can decide how to move forward.”

“And if I don’t want to move forward? Then what Doc? Because I’m good where I am.”

“You’re not really trying to tell me that you’re happy like this?”

“Happy? I don’t bloody deserve happy.”

“Killian, giving in to one’s dark side never accomplishes anything.”

“It’s the only part of me that I have left. “

“If you can't let go of the past... it's doomed to haunt you.”

Killian glared at the man, wiping at the tears in his eyes. He knew he was right, but he also knew he deserved to be haunted for what he did. He was lucky he didn’t get put away for the rest of his life. One simple error of not testing his blood alcohol before surgery and he escaped punishment from the law.

But you never really escape reality.

_“How can I help you? Do you want to tell me your name?”_

_“I dunno, maybe I shouldn’t have called.”_

_“I’m here to listen, if you just want to talk.”_

_“…It should have been me.”_

_“What should have been you?”_

_“I should have died, not her.”_

_“Do you have a family member you can talk to?”_

_“I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want the pain to end.”_

_“Have you thought about hurting yourself?”_

_“I…uh…yes. I have a gun.”_

“Can we stop for today?” Killian pleaded with the man.

“Absolutely. You did good today.”

Killian smiled softly before leaving him and headed back toward his room. He had not expected to go into such detail in therapy. He was both pleasantly surprised and mildly annoyed that the therapist was so good at digging information from people who didn’t want to share any.

He lazily wondered if the blonde lass had lifted any of her burden with the man and then immediately chided himself for giving a damn about a woman who clearly wanted nothing to do with him, regardless of what the kiss under the pier meant.

He stumbled into the dining hall, his roommate waving him toward a table.

“You eat yet?”

“No, just left Hopper’s.”

“Awesome, we just sat down, grab some food.”

He turned toward the dining line when Will yelled to him. “Don’t eat whatever it is she’s calling the daily special.” He turned away from him and then yelled again. “And don’t get #4 either.”

“Aye, no daily Special, avoid #4.” He continued to mutter the words over and over to himself as he approached the crazy red haired fitness instructor.

“Well, hello there Killian, can I suggest the daily special?”

“Well, lass, that depends on what makes it special?” He joked.

“Quinoa.” She beamed.

“Keen what?”

“It’s a grain that’s very high in fiber, protein, and gluten free.”

“I’ll stick to the things I know. #5 please.”

“Oh, fine but come back when you decide to stop listening to your friends and want to try something healthier.” She turned to her left. “What can I get you Emma?”

He froze before peering to his left at the girl standing beside him, the one who was currently avoiding his gaze.

“Might I suggest the Quinoa?” He offered with a wink toward Zelena.

Her eyes narrowed but she did not look at him. “I’ll have the Grilled cheese please. With onion rings.”

“None of that is healthy. I hope you know that. You’ll need to do an extra spin class this week just to work that off.”

The girl shrugged. “Worth it.”

When Zelena left to get their food, he turned to face Emma. “Swan, are you avoiding me?”

“I’m not avoiding you.” She continued to stare straight ahead.

He leaned forward and then stepped in front of her, forcing her to look at him. “Don’t tell me you’re not avoiding me, because I’m actually quite perceptive.” He pointed his finger at her and then back at himself. “And this…this is avoiding me.”

She rolled her eyes and stepped around him, grabbing her food. “I don’t even know you well enough to be avoiding you.”

He leaned in closer to her face, “We could change that.” He breathed against her ear. “Care for another distraction?”

“Give me one good reason not to punch you in the face.”

“And ruin this devilishly handsome face, admit it, you want all of this.”

“If you were the last man on this island, I would still say no.” She growled and he was immediately irritated with his own disappointment.

“If the lady insists.” He grabbed his tray and stepped beside her, walking back to his table, joining Will and August.

“You keep messing with that one and you’re gonna get bit.” August gestured toward Emma.

“Her bark is worse than her bite, gents.” He mused, peering over August’s shoulder to observe the girl. She was currently laughing with Ruby, her head tilted back before he heard a distinct snort.

“I know someone else who seems interested in her bite.” Will pointed his fork in the direction of the door. Killian turned his head to see Jefferson walk into the cafeteria and beeline directly for Emma’s table. He felt his jaw tense as the man sat down next to Emma and nudged her with his shoulder. Emma gave him a bright smile and he groaned and shoved another bite of food into his mouth.

He heard another shrill laugh from the other side of the room, and he grumbled.

“Don’t think that lass has laughed so much since she got here. Gotta give it to the bloke for being able to do that.” Will nodded.

Killian slammed his fork down onto the table and stood from his seat, striding immediately to their table. Emma glanced up as she saw him approaching and he broke eye contact, sitting down next to Ruby.

“Killian.” The dark-haired lass perked up when he reached out and touched her knee. He leaned closer to her, staring into her dark eyes.

“I’m in, love. Meet you at 7?” Her eyes widened and her fingernails traveled from his knee upwards on his thigh under the table. He winked at her and then stood from the table, avoiding the dumbfounded look from Emma, before he turned and walked away, a smirk growing on his face.

He took the long way around the island on his way back to his room, taking in the view on the beach and trying to clear his mind from all the activities of the day. The session with Archie had affected him more than he was willing to admit. He had not spoken of the accident to anyone prior to today.

So much had been written about him in the press after Milah had died. Rumors had swirled about Milah and his co-star being in a torrid affair, though no one was able to confirm any truth to it. Killian had always denied the allegations, thankfully his bastard of a co-star refused to comment.

Killian had known that Milah had an affair with the man, he remembered the day he came home early to the sounds of passion in his bedroom. It had broken his heart, but nothing had prepared him when he found the wallet on the floor and identified the other party that was currently bringing out the moans of passion from his fiancé.

Everyone on set knew the truth, especially after a heated confrontation during a scene where Killian had tossed the asshole overboard. He tried to claim he was simply improvising, but the tension remained with everyone on the crew anytime they had a scene together.

Killian had confronted Milah days later only to have her deny that any such deceit had happened. He punched a hole through their bedroom wall that night. Milah cowering in the bathroom and swearing she had always been faithful to him.

His drinking increased from casual to nightly after the incident. Milah’s pregnancy announcement only causing him to spiral further into his use of drugs as a coping mechanism. She continued to swear there was no one else but him but he knew the timing of her pregnancy meant that it was possible the child was not his.

The papers wrote glowing articles about a man at the top of his celebrity prime who lost his fiancé and his hand in a terrible accident on a dark and rainy road. Fans sent him cards and set up memorials in front of their home. It became too much to bear knowing the truth of that night. Killian couldn’t stand to even look at his own face in the mirror.

“Hey, you wanna head to the gym?” Killian peered up to see his roommate poke his head into the doorway. “Will and I are gonna work out for a bit.”

He looked at his watch and realized if he wanted to get to the other side of the island by 7pm he would need to leave now. “Nah, I’ve got plans.”

His eyebrow lifted. “Plans? Care to share?”

“Nope.”

“Stay out of trouble man, you’ve almost made it a week.”

“Sure thing pop.” He joked and pushed past him.

“It’s your funeral.” He heard the man yell as he left, heading toward the beach. As he crossed through the courtyard his eye was drawn to the couple sitting on the grass under one of the palm trees. Blonde hair blowing in the breeze. He slowed his steps, observing as she sat next to Jefferson, her head dropping back a few times to laugh at something he said. He felt an irrational anger when his hand brushed against her hand, he wore a simple smile but one that clearly showed an affection for the girl.

He turned toward them suddenly, clearly his feet had stopped consulting his brain. He crossed in front of the couple, purposely tripping over Jefferson’s shoes.

“Sorry bout that.” He said dryly. “Didn’t see you there, Mate.”

Two pairs of eyes stared at him. “You expect me to believe that you couldn’t see two people sitting in the middle of the grass?” She quipped.

“Contrary to what you may assume, I’m not always paying attention to your every location, love.”

Her mouth dropped. “I wasn’t, I never, I…”

His eyebrow raised as he waited for her to pull together her thoughts, the smirk growing across his lips. When she stopped puckering like a fish, he interrupted. “Lass, I haven’t the time, if you’ll excuse me, I have places to be.” He winked and then his feet carried him away from the fuming blonde.

His feet hit sand and he made his way quickly to the back of the island, trying to remove the image of Emma with Jefferson. He was infuriated at how light and unencumbered Emma seemed with the man. Someone who he thought was literally quite mad. Why was she able to relax and enjoy Jefferson’s company while being completely hostile towards him?

“You made it.” A voice whispered and then he felt fingers grasp him by the shirt. “I wasn’t sure if you would come.”

“Of course, lass, I said I would, and I’m nothing if not a man of my word.”

She pressed up against him, her lips connecting with his neck. “Enough words.” She whispered, hot against his ear.

“Impatient, are we?” He laughed nervously, closing his eyes, and connecting his lips to hers. He slid across her mouth like silk, their tongues clashing together. He backed her up against the building they were hiding behind and she groaned at the aggressive contact. Her hands traveled down his chest and her felt her fingers tugging at the button of his jeans. Pulling back, he smirked. “Now lass, let’s not rush things.”

Her lips pouted. “Hard to get. I can work with that.”

He grabbed her hand in his and pulled it back to his shoulder, returning his lips to hers. She grinded her hips into him and he groaned into her mouth. He ran his hand down her back, resting along the supple curve of her ass.

She ran a hand over his jeans, his cock reacting to the attention. He cursed his active mind that was currently in direct competition with his body.

_“Killian, I love you.”_

_“Milah, baby.”_

He moaned, trying to clear the movie playing in his thoughts. Milah laid out underneath of him, her breasts highlighted by the moonlight in their bedroom, looking up at her from his place between her legs.

He grabbed Ruby around the waist and drug her with him to the sandy floor beneath them, running his fingers beneath her shirt and exploring the crevice under her breast.

He pinched her nipple and she cried out in delight. He pressed his mouth to her stomach, enjoying the pleasurable sounds she was making when the picture changed back to his room again.

_“Killian, please touch me.”_

His gaze drifted up and he was met with hooded green eyes that were praising his attention. His eyes blew open. Shaking his head to clear his thoughts.

“What’s wrong?” Ruby’s head lifted from the ground, peering in the dark in search for his eyes.

He returned his lips to her stomach when his thoughts were invaded by blonde hair, head tilted back, mouth open in a breathy moan. “Fuck.” He sat up quickly. Confused and angered by this new turn of events. His thoughts had always drifted to Milah during sexual encounters, he had become used to it, almost welcomed it at times. Ever since the accident, he had been unable to come to completion in any sexual situation without falling apart to the memory of Milah’s face. How could this woman steal away the last thing he had of his Milah?

“You ok?”

“Of course, dear. I just, it’s been a while.” He shrugged. “I supposed I’m a bit rusty.”

“Oh. I’m…”

“It’s not you, love. You are absolutely gorgeous and amazing. I just, perhaps I’m not as ready as my body is willing. This week has been a bit of a challenge.”

She frowned but her expression remained soft and understanding. “It’s ok. No rush, right?”

“Thank you. If you don’t mind keeping this between us, I would greatly appreciate it. Would hate for my reputation to be sullied.” He winked.

“Just promise me that if anything changes, you’ll come find me.”

He smiled and stood, dragging her up with him. “Allow me to escort you home.” He held out his elbow and she wrapped her arm in his. He was thankful she did not engage him in conversation the rest of the way, he was unsure if he would be able to mask the discomfort or confusion that was at war in his mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was inspired by the song Understanding in a Car Crash by Thursday https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5Euxy8lDpXY


	6. As You Wish

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Permission to enter?”
> 
> She saw him standing at the edge of the pier, rays of sunshine brushing his hair. “Does my answer matter?”
> 
> “Of course, it does, Swan.”

**Chapter 6: As You Wish**

Emma wasn’t waiting for Ruby to get back to her room. Not at all. She was simply staring at the door in case anyone interesting walked by. At least that is what she told herself. She had spent the last hour convincing herself that she didn’t care what Ruby and Killian were up to. She could barely stomach the guy at all and if Ruby wanted to deal with his bullshit, who was she to stop her.

She peeked her head out the door and peered down the hall.

“Help you with something Emma?”

She jumped and grabbed her heart. “My God you scared me.” Graham was standing behind her with a grin across his face. “Um no, I was just waiting for Ruby to get back from…” She paused and bit her lip. “The cafeteria.”

“Bit late to be eating don’t you think? It’s almost lights out.”

Emma panicked. She didn’t want to get anyone in trouble. “Female issues.” She said with a shy smile. “Chocolate make the cramps go away.” She cringed at her own words and he put his hands up in front of him.

“Say no more.” He backed away quickly and continued down the hall.

“Ugh.” She groaned just as she heard voices coming from the other end of the hallway. She ran back into the room and jumped into her bed, grabbing a magazine, and holding it up in front of her, quickly flipping it again so that it was right side up.

“Thanks again Ruby, you really are a very sweet lass.” Emma rolled her eyes, staring down at the magazine.

“Well, you know what I said earlier, you come find me, anytime.”

“Goodnight, Love.”

“Night Killian.”

Emma felt like vomiting. It wasn’t that she cared about Killian and Ruby doing _whatever_ they were off doing together, she didn’t. Not entirely. Maybe she was just lonely. That had to be what it was. She’d felt alone since getting to the island.

Well, that wasn’t exactly true either. She and Jefferson had become like kindred spirits. He had a way of making her laugh that made her feel free. She hadn’t felt that way in such a long time that she found herself looking forward to hanging out with him. Not that she didn’t think he might have a screw loose, or maybe even two. But he was very sweet to her and she enjoyed the attention.

So maybe it wasn’t loneliness that had her seeing red when Ruby walked into the room, her cheeks flushed, and her clothes still covered in sand. “Looks like you had an interesting evening.” She said dryly.

The girl looked down at her clothes, brushing them off with a giggle. “Oh yeah well, we were um…”

Emma rolled her eyes. “I don’t care to hear the damn details.”

“I was right about one thing though.”

Emma looked up from her magazine. The girl stretched her hands apart and mouthed ‘big dick’. Emma shook her head, her insides fuming as she gritted her teeth. “Don’t care, Rubes.” She tossed her magazine to the ground and rolled onto her side, pulling her covers over her head. “Turn off the light when you are done, please.”

She didn’t sleep well that night. She told herself it was because in the morning she would have to go to another group therapy session, but she knew that wasn’t entirely the reason for her foul mood. Looking over at Ruby still sleeping in her bed, she got up and quietly dressed for the day, sneaking out to grab some breakfast before their session. She didn’t feel like spending the morning listening to her roommate talk about Killian or the size of any of his damn parts.

She grabbed her tray, a short stack of pancakes and bacon, before settling into a seat in the corner of the cafeteria. It was quiet and she was grateful to have a moment to collect her thoughts before she had to deal with the entire group again. Apparently therapy patients were not early risers because she continued to be the only person in the room for thirty minutes. However, as soon as she heard his voice, she started gathering her plates and stood from the table, watching as Ruby and Killian entered the room, both laughing about something stupid she was sure he had said.

She threw away her garbage and walked toward the door. “Something I said again?” He joked loudly as she approached the exit. She paused for a moment and turned back toward him, extending her middle finger, before continuing toward the hallway. She didn’t know why she was being so childish, but it felt good.

She was still early for group, but she didn’t know where else to go so she made her way to the room and sat in an empty chair around the circle.

“You don’t get any bonus points for being early.” She looked up to see August enter the room. “But I’m glad to see you came back.”

“Ready for round 2 of my interrogation.” She said mockingly.

“We haven’t really had a moment to chat.” He looked around the room. “Seems now is as good a time as any.” Emma shrugged, looking apprehensive. “Look, I just wanted to apologize for last session. I want you to know it wasn’t personal.”

“Really? Because it felt personal.”

“Look I’ve been here four weeks now, I get it. It’s not easy coming from a life you know to somewhere like this where you are forced to face the darkest shit about yourself. It’s not always fun looking that deep.”

“Or having someone tell you who you are when they don’t even know you.”

“Fair point, Emma. But have you ever had anyone just tell it to you how it is, no bullshit, no sugar? Because that’s where you gotta get to here. You have to rip the bandage off and let it bleed.”

“That’s graphic.” She scowled.

They heard voices and looked up as the others entered the room. Ruby coming in and plopping down in the seat next to her. “You got up early.”

Emma shrugged but smiled at her.

Killian took the seat directly across from her, his dark eyes meeting hers as Dr. Hopper walked in with Will and Jefferson.

“Looks like the gang is all here.” Will joked, taking the seat on the other side of her. “Mornin’ beautiful.”

Emma scrunched her nose, watching him from the corner of her eyes. “Um hi.”

“Alright who wants to go first today?”

“I will.” Ruby volunteered and Emma happily turned to her other side to watch her roommate speak.

“My Grans is coming to family day this time. I’m really excited to see her.”

“That’s great, Ruby. That’s a big step. You didn’t think she would come last time we talked.”

“Yeah, I guess she’s still upset with me. Disappointed, but she’s willing to come support me.”

“How are your phone calls going with her?”

“Good, a bit short still. She doesn’t want to have to talk about all the um, men, I’ve done around town. Apparently, I have a fan club that comes looking for me at the diner.”

“Is it just you and her at home?”

“Um yeah, she took care of me for as long as I can remember.”

“Your parents are gone?”

“Dad passed when I was five, mom didn’t handle it well. She wasn’t around much and then it was just me and Grans.”

“So, you grew up without a man in your life?”

“Pretty much, yeah.”

“Do you think not having a father around might have led to an unhealthy obsession with men?”

She shrugged. “I guess. It’s not like I sleep with men because I want my daddy if that’s what you’re thinking?”

“Sounds to me like daddy issues is a common theme in this room.”

Emma glared at August. “Again, with that shit? Can a woman have self-esteem issues without you automatically assuming it has to do with a man?”

He held his hands up in front of his body. “Truce, please continue.”

“Anyway, in the beginning I liked being with them because they bought me alcohol. Treated me nice, bought me things. But then I just found that I wanted to please them, almost like I needed to, like it made me high anytime I was offering sexual favors.”

“I wish I had a sex addiction.” Will announced and every laughed. “Sure, sounds like a better way to get high.”

“Sex addiction is not a laughing matter, it’s very serious. It leads to unhealthy relationships, low self-esteem, depression.” Their therapist tried to explain.

“That about sums me up.” Ruby said with a shrug, a frown on her face for just a moment before her mask took over again and she plastered the smile back on her face.

“I don’t get how having sex is somehow a serious issue.” August rolled his eyes and crossed his arms against his chest.

“You know, you may not take it seriously, poor little rich girl, got drunk, had sex with a man who beat the shit out of her, took too many pills, and ended up here. Sex addiction seems stupid to you but try living with it every day. When the only way to feel good about yourself is if you please someone else.” Ruby had tears on her cheek and Emma reached over to take her hand.

August sighed. “I’m sorry Rubes, you’re right, it was wrong of me to say that.”

“I don’t need your pity. Or yours.” She pointed to Will. “Maybe yours, cuz you’re hot.” She winked at Killian and Emma flushed.

“Ok thank you for sharing today, Ruby.” Archie interjected thankfully before Ruby could continue her shameless flirting.

“Emma, why don’t you share something today.”

Emma sighed deeply. “I uh, not sure where I’m supposed to start.”

“Let’s talk about how old you were when you first started drinking.”

“I probably started when I was 14. I went to a party with a Neal.”

“And Neal is your boyfriend, correct?

She looked at her hands. “Um, yeah, he’s my boyfriend. We met when I was twelve and he was just always around.”

“Was he upset by your drinking?”

She laughed. “Not at all. Neal actually made me my first drink.”

“Are you and Neal the same age?”

“Nah he’s a couple of years older than me, so he was 16 when we went to our first party together.” She caught Killian’s eye and looked away.

“Emma, would you say that Neal was an enabler for your addictions?”

Emma flinched. “No.”

Her therapist squinted his eyes. “When did the drugs start?”

Her heart was starting to beat a bit harder in her chest. “I would say a couple years later. Maybe 16 or 17?”

“And where did you get them from? Was Neal part of the drugs as well?”

“Um, he had a dealer we would buy from.”

“Bloody hell.” Killian swore under his breath.

“What’s your problem?” She shot back at him and he glared back at her.

“Just seems like a real swell guy giving fucking drugs to a 16-year-old.”

She rolled her eyes. “That’s none of your damn business.”

“Apologizes, M’lady.” He bowed his head toward her and she felt the anger building inside her.

“Why are we apologizing at all? Killian has a point.” August interjected and Emma’s head snapped in his direction.

“Aye, he has a point.” Will mimicked.

“I’m the one in rehab, not Neal.”

“Yeah, but it sounds like he had a hand in getting you here. Did he even try and stop you when you started drowning?”

Emma bit her cheek, her knee bouncing in front of her. “Neal tried. He’s a good guy.” She lied. She knew they were right, but that was none of their damn business.

Killian snorted in disgust.

“I think I’m done sharing for today.” Archie nodded and turned toward Killian.

“Killian, why don’t we move to you since you seem eager to talk today.”

Emma smirked when he looked up at her. “Serves you right buddy.”

“Alright.”

Emma noticed how quickly his demeanor changed.

“When did you start drinking?”

“I was in a band.” Emma snorted and then covered her mouth. He peered through slanted eyes in her direction before continuing. “I’m just saying, it was different circumstances. I wasn’t a 14-year-old rich girl who could have anything she wanted.”

“I beg your pardon.” She scowled.

“It’s different, princess. I had nothing. We practiced in a broken-down garage with instruments we got from a pawn shop. My dad wasn’t around much and when he was, he was passed out drunk, my brother practically raised me. And when I wasn’t with Liam, Rob and I spent a lot of time writing songs and drinking.”

“Hypocrite.” She mumbled.

“Besides,” He said loudly. “We were just kids messing around. I didn’t start abusing alcohol until much later.”

“What do you think brought that on?”

Emma studied his face. She didn’t know why she was suddenly so invested in his story or why she cared at all.

“I guess it was probably all the pressure I was under to perform. The band was touring and as soon as the tour ended, I was expected to start filming a movie, I had just gotten engaged, and everything seemed to be spinning out of control.”

Engaged? Now that’s something she didn’t expect.

“Most of the time all that pressure comes from within, man.” Jefferson laid a hand on Killian’s shoulder.

“I guess, I mean the money I brought in was more money than my family had ever seen. At first it felt good to be able to provide but after a while, everything I did became about making sure that money kept coming in instead of just doing what I loved.”

Emma studied his face, looking for any sign of deception as he spoke, she found none.

The room got quiet and Archie finally spoke. “Ok you guys did great today. Let’s pause here and congratulate Emma and Killian on completing one week of rehab. Great job.”

Everyone clapped but Emma could only sigh. She’d only managed to get through one week. She didn’t feel like she had gotten anywhere, instead it was like she was frozen in place.

The group stood and broke off into smaller discussions. Will and Jefferson talking about the next visit to the gym and Killian and Ruby whispering in the corner, probably making plans for another roll in the sand, she thought.

She slipped out the back door while no one was paying attention and went in search of her refuge. It wasn’t until her feet climbed the hill under the pier that she let out a large breath. She sat down on the sandy embankment, watching the waves coming in and out with the tide.

“Permission to enter?”

She saw him standing at the edge of the pier, rays of sunshine brushing his hair. “Does my answer matter?”

“Of course, it does, Swan.”

She groaned. “What do you want?”

“I came to apologize.” He stood at the bottom of the embankment. “For earlier. I didn’t mean to upset you.”

“Which time.” She spat and then looked back at him; disappointment plastered across his face. “Sorry, habit. It’s fine. Seriously.”

He tentatively climbed the hill and sat down beside her. “I did not mean to make disparaging remarks about your boyfriend, Neal correct?”

She didn’t want to talk about Neal. She just shrugged and stared at the water. They sat in silence for a what felt like hours. It was comfortable, yet she couldn’t explain why.

“I started doing drugs when I met Milah.” He spoke softly.

“Is that your fiancé?”

He nodded sadly. “Aye.” He looked over at her and she noticed immediately that the bravado was gone.

“Is she coming for family day?”

He looked toward the ocean and released a deep sigh. “No.”

“Oh.”

“Can I tell you something?” Their eyes met and she nodded silently. “It was a car accident.” Her brow furrowed, not understanding him. “I had been drinking.” He paused, swallowing hard as if he was admitting something that was more for his benefit and not hers. “A lot. Milah and I got into a fight the night of my movie premier. I was angry and she was yelling at me. The road was wet, and I lost control of the wheel. I didn’t even see the truck.”

Emma swallowed. Oh my God. What was he saying? Her mouth was dry, and she didn’t understand why he was choosing to share this information with her.

“That’s how you lost your hand?” She finally spoke, hardly at a whisper.

He nodded sadly. “That was only part of my punishment. I lost everything I loved that night.”

Emma came to a slow realization for what the implication of his statement meant. Milah couldn’t come visit him for family day because she was no longer here.

“Killian I’m so sorry.”

“Please don’t apologize, that’s my burden not yours.”

“Why are you telling me this?”

“I don’t know.” He whispered. “You called me out for lying previously. No one else even batted an eye.”

“I’m gonna let you in on a little secret. I’m pretty good at knowing when someone is lying to me.”

“Well now I’m not. And now you can admit the truth.”

She stared at him confused. “The truth about what?”

“Neal. It seems to me that he’s been there throughout your entire beginnings and yet here you are, alone. Where was he?”

“I fail to see how that is any of your business, but if you have to know, he’s waiting for me at home. He’s always been supportive of my recovery.”

“I see, so no one can lie to you, but you can lie to yourself. Seems quite cowardly.”

“I beg your pardon. Do you think because you chose to share something with me that suddenly that makes us…” She glared at him. “What? Friends?”

He stood and started to walk down the hill. She jumped up and chased him through the sand. “Did you think pretending to open up to me, telling me your secret was going to get you in my pants. Was Ruby not enough for you?”

He turned on her. “First off, Ruby is a much better friend than you are even capable of, but you can be sure, love, I have no intention of getting anywhere near your pants.”

“Good, because I have no interest in you.” She glared with her arms crossed.

“Nor I you.” He yelled.

They stared intently at each other, time standing still, fire burning in his blue eyes. He put his hands in the air and turned. “Forget it, Swan, I’ll leave.”

“Just stay the hell away from me.”

“As you wish.” He bowed, turning back toward the center, and jogging away.

She wanted to scream but didn’t want to give him the satisfaction. Instead, she fell back into the sand and cried. He seemed so sincere just five minutes earlier. It infuriated her that he could so easily get under her skin. She didn’t want to admit that he had seen through her, that he was right about Neal without even knowing the full story. She hated him for being right about anything, but she hated him more for being right about her. She was a coward.

Why was he trying to connect with her anyway? He was already having sex with Ruby.

It had never occurred to her that maybe he _was_ just reaching out for someone to share his experience with. Besides, he did come to her in private, he wasn’t like August, going after her in front of everyone else. And how did she repay that? She yelled at him. Accused him of divulging something so personal with her in exchange for sex. It angered her that she may be in the wrong.

After all, she was the one who had kissed him. Perhaps he wasn’t interested in her at all. He had never made any attempts to kiss her since that day. And now she was pretty sure he hated her. As Emma walked back to the center that evening, she realized that even in rehab she was a complete and utter screwup.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please let me know how you guys are feeling about the fic so far, I will be posting a sneak peek on Wednesday's on tumblr @wefoundloveunderthelight


	7. Trust

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> She slowed down her speed and turned to look at him. “What do you want from me? Because I’m just trying to get through this fucking bullshit without losing my mind.”  
> “May I offer a suggestion?”  
> “From you?”  
> “Try something new darling, it’s called trust.”  
> “I don’t trust anyone but myself.”

****

**Chapter 7: Trust**

“How do you think you’re doing so far? A few more days and you will have completed your first two weeks.”

“I guess it’s going well. I’m not really sure how else it could go.”

“Don’t sell yourself short, Killian. It’s not easy facing truth’s we aren’t ready to see. And you’ve been handling that well.”

Killian wasn’t sure he agreed with the good Doc. The only thing he had faced was admitting out loud that the accident was his fault. Perhaps he was a bit surprised that he had told Emma. He didn’t expect to do that. Honestly, he had followed the girl out to apologize for being so harsh in group, only to end up telling her about the accident. He didn’t know what it was about Emma, but the woman had him a bit off his game.

“So, today let’s talk about what happened after the accident. More specifically the loss of your hand, how did you handle the news?”

He straightened in his chair, rubbing his palm on his knee. “Like anyone who is just told that their entire life had changed.” He sat back in his seat and shrugged his shoulders. “Really badly.”

“When did you find out?”

“I woke up in the hospital sometime after the accident, my brother Liam was there. I could tell something was wrong. He told me about my hand first. I guess I was in shock. I didn’t react at all honestly. It was like being numb. I don’t have any other way of explaining it. I’m a musician and suddenly that’s all gone.”

“You play guitar?”

“Played. I dunno what I’ll do now. Honestly, I haven’t even thought about it. It seems so trivial considering everything else I lost.”

“I wouldn’t say trivial, Killian. It’s your life. Your livelihood.”

“Rob always tells me I have my good looks and acting to fall back on, but honestly I did all that because I could. Music was my passion; it was something I did because I wanted to.”

“And that is something that the accident took away from you.”

Killian shuddered with guilt to even feel anger about the loss of a career. “None of that mattered after he told me about Milah and the baby.”

“And how did you handle that?”

“I lost my mind. Ripped my IV out, Liam had to bring in security to restrain me. When I finally calmed down, he asked if I had been drinking that night. The look on his face showed so much disappointment. I got angry, kicked him out of my room. Refused to speak to him for days.”

“Why do you think you reacted that way?”

“My whole life I’ve been living in Liam’s shadow. He was always the golden boy. Dad used to tell me that if the Jones brothers were to make anything of their lives, I just needed to watch my brother. He was the best of us.”

“What does Liam do for a living?”

“He’s a hero.”

“In your mind, I’m sure.”

“No like an actual damn hero. While I was making music on a stupid guitar, he was off fighting in a war.”

“Do you feel like your success was not earned because it wasn’t won the same way as Liam’s?”

“It wasn’t honorable like his. I sing stupid lyrics about dumb shit that doesn’t matter to anyone but me.” He stood up and started pacing the back of the room. “The night we got our record deal, his convoy got ambushed. I got the call that night that his platoon had gone missing, presumed dead or captured. Days went by before we heard anything. A week later he came home a goddamn hero. Walked his whole platoon out of danger, fought off an attack, and won a fucking Gold Star. I got a record contract. A fucking record contract and he saved ten people. There was no living up to that.”

“Your success shouldn’t be compared to your brother’s sacrifices. It is admirable what he did but that doesn’t mean that everything you have earned means anything less.”

He paused, considering his words but knowing that nothing he would ever do could possibly match the honor of his brother.

“Have you thought about inviting him for family day coming up?”

“I’m not certain he would come even if I did.”

Killian continued to pace behind the couch. He spent the rest of his session thinking about his brother and the disappointment he had caused in the past year. The last time he had spoken to him still haunted his dreams.

_“Killian you need help.”_

_“Fuck off, I’m fine.”_

_“How much coke is up your nose right now?”_

_“Enough that you are killing my buzz!”_

_“This isn’t you. The girls, the drugs, I don’t even know you anymore. You and Milah were…”_

_“Don’t, don’t talk about her. You don’t know anything about her. You don’t get to say her name.”_

_“Killian.”_

_“Get out, Liam. I never want to see you again.”_

When he emerged from the office, he was surprised to see Ruby waiting around outside the door.

“Hello lass, are you next?”

“No, I just wanted to check on you.”

Killian had been impressed at how nice the girl had been to him since the incident on the beach where he was unable to perform a simple act of intimacy. He smiled at the girl. “No need, love. I’m fine, barely a scratch.” He joked.

He stilled when he saw the blonde he had been avoiding approaching them from the other side of the courtyard.

“Hey.”

“Hey Emma, meeting with Hop?” Ruby asked her roommate.

“Um yeah, guess it’s my turn to get my head shrunk.”

She made eye contact with him and he quickly looked away. He hadn’t spoken to the girl since she banished him from her sight after their last group session. That didn’t mean he hadn’t thought about her since then. He cursed the fact that it had been more than once.

“If you don’t mind Ruby, I am going to take a run.” He excused himself and left the ladies staring as he walked away.

~*~

“You scared him off.” Ruby complained as soon as he ran off.

“What did I do?”

“You’re always so mean to him.”

She rolled her eyes. “Geez Rubes, I get it you’re fucking him but I’m not going to be lectured about being nice to someone that has made my life hell since I got here.”

She flinched and then narrowed her eyes. “You give as good as you get. Hell, I’m surprised the two of you haven’t fucked with the way you go at each other.”

“Not if he was the last man on this island.” She stated louder than she had intended.

“Trying to convince me or yourself?” She pursed her lips and walked away.

“Whatever.” She pushed through the door and into the office.

“Good afternoon, Emma.”

“I guess.” She said sourly.

“So, last group session we spoke a lot about Neal? You’ve implied that your parents liked him.”

“Of course, everyone likes Neal. My parents think he’s the best thing for me.”

“And what do you think?”

“No one cares what I want, so it doesn’t really matter.”

_“You’re pregnant?”_

_“That’s what happens when two lines show up on the fucking test, Neal.”_

_“How the hell did this happen?”_

_“It’s called sex, you asshole.”_

_“And you’re sure it’s mine?”_

_“What the hell, Neal.”_

_“Ok, sorry, what are you going to do now?”_

_“What am I going to do? Like this is all on me?”_

_“Emma, I’m just saying, we can’t have a damn baby.”_

Later that evening as Emma’s legs worked the exercise bike in the lonely gym, she tried not to think about the child she gave away. She had seen his dark head of hair, ten fingers and ten toes, and she knew that if she even held him for ten seconds, she would have never let him go. So instead, she refused to hold him, only telling them his name as they took him from the room.

_Henry._

She wondered where he was, what family had accepted him as their own. If he was being loved and taken care of.

She pushed herself faster, sweat pouring off her brow as she cycled harder and faster than she could even maintain. She screamed as loud as she could, pressing her feet against the pedals.

“I think you bested the mechanical beast.”

She jumped at the sound of another voice in the darkened silence of the gym.

“Can you not sneak up on me, for the last time?”

“Sorry, love. It was not my intention to sneak up on anyone. Apparently, you and I had the same idea for blowing off steam tonight. I can leave if you would prefer.”

She blew out a loud puff of air. “No, it’s not my gym, if you want to be here, I’m not going to stop you.”

He climbed onto the bike next to her and she noticed they each seemed to be matching the pace of the other, when she sped up, so did he. It was like a competition that neither would admit to entering.

The sweat was starting to drip down her back, her hair caked to her forehead. She chanced a glance in his direction and saw beads of sweat glistening on his skin. She wished to hell that didn’t make him more attractive than he already was. She silently wondered what it would feel like to run her hands across his wet flesh, immediately squeezing her thighs together as she worked the bike, the heat between her legs intensifying the more she glanced in his direction.

Suddenly his pace slowed beside her, and she breathed a sigh of relief, an unspoken win she would claim.

“You win.” He chuckled, with his hands in the air as he slowed his legs on the bike.

“Wasn’t aware we were in a race.” She tried acting as disinterested as she could.

“I think we got off on the wrong foot.”

She glared in his direction. “Really, what gave you that clue?”

“Are you always this difficult or is it just for my benefit?”

She slowed down her speed and turned to look at him. “What do you want from me? Because I’m just trying to get through this fucking bullshit without losing my mind.”

“May I offer a suggestion?”

“From you?”

“Try something new darling, it’s called trust.”

“I don’t trust anyone but myself.”

“Come with me.” He climbed off his bike and gestured for her to follow him.

“What are you playing at?”

“No games, love.” He stared at her, his blue eyes sparkling in the moonlight coming through the large glass windows.

“Fine.” She groaned and followed him throughout the complex, leaving the lights of the buildings behind as her eyes saw the water come into view.

They walked without speaking for ten minutes, before he stopped and bent down to remove his shoes. “Come on, love, the sand begs to be felt, not trampled on.”

She stood defiantly watching him set his shoes to the side, pulling his socks off and standing before her, barefoot in his sweatpants. She held her breath before bending down and removing her shoes and socks and setting them next to his.

“Now what?” she said dryly.

“Let’s walk.”

She followed him reluctantly, the sand cold and coarse between her toes. As much as she didn’t want to admit it, with each footstep she felt her burden of the last few days become lighter.

“When things get to be too much, I find that the water, she calms me.”

Emma looked over at him, his hair blowing in the breeze, she noticed that his expression was lighter and calmer than she had ever seen him.

“She?”

“Aye, the ocean is my mistress.”

She laughed lightly. “Do you live near the ocean?”

“Aye. Seattle. And you?”

“New York, but I spend more time in the city than I do at the beach.”

“See that wasn’t so hard now was it?” He joked.

“What are you talking about?”

“Getting you to talk is quite the challenge. It’s like you’re afraid. Afraid to talk, to reveal yourself. To trust me.”

“I don’t trust anyone, don’t take it personally.”

“Not even Neal?”

She laughed loudly. “Nice try.”

“Sorry, love. Just trying to figure you out.”

“Why?”

“I like a challenge, I guess. Besides, no one should go through something like this alone.”

She stopped walking. “I am alone. None of us are here for each other. I don’t know you; you don’t know me. I’m not here to make friends.”

He turned to face her. “You’re not alone, Emma.”

Emma groaned. “Oh my God, why do you even care, you hate me anyway.”

“Actually, I quite fancy you from time to time when you’re not yelling at me.”

For a moment she just stared at him, his eyes latched onto hers. And then she started laughing. It began in her stomach and it overwhelmed her until she was practically giddy with choked giggles and tears that formed under her eyelids. She didn’t even know why she was laughing, nothing about what was happening to her was funny, yet here she was, full belly laughs almost taking her off her feet.

When she finally calmed, he was looking at her with a smile across his face. “Wow I haven’t laughed like that in years.” She said softly.

“Long overdue then, I should say.”

He didn’t push for anything else, he simply continued the walk, taking in the views of the ocean until his watch started to beep and they both realized the time.

“Guess we should head back.”

She looked up at him, wondering what else was going on behind those eyes of his. “Um yeah.” They turned back to where they left their shoes. “Thanks.” Her voice was so quiet she wondered if he even heard her. But he simply nodded and bent down to gather his shoes.

She expected him to say something as they went their separate ways to their rooms, but he surprised her with simply a smile and a nod before heading to his room. She didn’t know what to make of Killian Jones. But for a moment they seemed to be at a truce.

“Where have you been?” Ruby was waiting for her in their room, sitting on the edge of her bed.

“Just walking. Therapy was a bit rough today.”

“Oh. Sorry. I’ve had a couple of those days.”

“You didn’t happen to see Killian around tonight, did you?”

“I’m not his keeper.” She said quickly.

“I know, I was just looking for him, couldn’t find him anywhere.”

“Booty call?”

She laughed. “Nah, just worried about him.”

Emma’s brow furrowed. “Oh, why?”

“I don’t know, he doesn’t really talk about himself much, but I could tell that his last few sessions were really getting to him.”

“I’m sure he’s fine. Maybe check the gym next time. I think he goes there once everyone has left.”

“Oh?”

She turned to change her clothes, ignoring the questioning looks from her roommate.

“Get some sleep Rubes.”

Emma pulled the covers under her chin, basking in the darkness of the night. She didn’t know what to think of her evening on the beach. There were times she absolutely hated the man with one hand. Loathed the way he stared at her, knowing he was trying to get under her armor. She didn’t understand Killian Jones. But what gnawed at her even more was the fact that she wanted to understand him.

~*~

Killian fell into bed that evening with thoughts of Emma Swan. It wasn’t until he woke the next morning that he realized he didn’t dream of Milah. There was no nightmare of her in his arms, her life drained from her body. No dream of her hair blowing in the wind on the deck of his ship. A part of him was angry that Emma invaded his thoughts and kept him from seeing Milah’s face in his dreams. The other part was curious to understand what this woman had that was invading so much of his life.

“There you are!” He looked up to see Ruby approaching his table, her tray of food in her hand. “I looked all over for you yesterday.

“Sorry love, I was a bit lost in my head yesterday. Was everything alright?”

“Of course, silly. I just wanted to see you.”

He smiled tentatively at the girl. He liked Ruby. She was very nice to him, had kept their relationship or lack thereof private, and seemed to truly care about his wellbeing.

“Well, here I am. So, tell me, lass. How are you doing?”

She smiled widely. “I’m doing great. Family day is coming, and my Gran is definitely coming.”

“That’s excellent news.”

“What about you? Are you inviting anyone?”

“I don’t have my phone privileges for another day. But I haven’t decided yet if I will be inviting anyone.”

“You really should consider it. It’s another big step in your recovery when you can work through things with those you love.”

“Thanks, I’ll consider it.”

He looked up and caught Emma staring in his direction and he found himself wondering if family day would bring Emma’s boyfriend to the island. He almost wanted to see the man that had destroyed her view of trust and helped push her down the path that led her here.

He already disliked Neal, he’d heard enough in their group session about his part in leading a 14-year-old to drugs and alcohol. What kind of a man could do that to someone they care about?

How could anyone love someone yet assist them in destroying themselves?

_“Come on Killian, what’s the big deal. It’s like alcohol but faster.”_

_“Can’t you get addicted to this stuff?”_

_“Baby, it’s just for fun. We won’t let it go that far. Do this with me, just this once.”_

_“Alright love, just this once. Anything for my Milah.”_

He pushed the thoughts away, shoving the last of his food into his mouth and excusing himself from the table. He would be forced to face enough truth’s in his sessions with Dr. Hopper, he’d be damned if he were going to drive himself mad at breakfast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I cannot express to you guys what this story means for me. I have shed literal tears writing this fic. I hope you all are enjoying it as well.


	8. Magic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Everyone wants a magical solution for their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic.”
> 
> “That’s because magic isn’t real, Jefferson.”
> 
> “You see I know what you refuse to acknowledge, Emma. You're special. You brought something precious to Wonderland... magic.”
> 
> She laughed until it hurt rolling onto her side to look at him. “I’m not magic, Jefferson.”

**Chapter 8: Magic**

“Beautiful lady! May I escort you to group?”

“I would be honored.” She truly looked forward to the nights when she and Jefferson would sit in the back courtyard, watching the stars, and sharing ding dongs. It was something so ridiculous yet the simplicity of it truly eased her mind on days when they all got together for group.

“You would make me very pleased if I could enjoy your company tonight.” She nodded and he put his arm around her shoulder, and they walked into their session. She was thankful for her friendship with Jefferson. He had kissed her only the one time, but neither had made a move to continue further in their recent outings. She had a suspicion that he would be eager to take their relationship further if she ever gave him the signal. However, she wasn’t sure she wanted it to go anywhere besides the friendship they currently shared.

They strolled through the doors to find Killian already sitting in a chair and he seemed to glare at them when they entered the room.

“Want to sit next to me today? I’ll protect you from August.” Jefferson beamed at her.

She patted his cheek, “you’re too sweet to me.” He took a seat and she instinctively took the one next to him that was also next to Killian. She cursed herself as she sat down.

“Morning, love.”

She nodded to him and then turned back to her discussion with Jefferson. “Desert tonight?” He whispered and she felt Killian’s eyes staring a hole in the back of her head.

“Yeah definitely.” She said softly.

“Morning everyone.” She looked back and saw her therapist enter with August and Will. Ruby came running in behind them.

“We have a busy day today. Exciting news for Killian and Emma, they have made it to day 14.” Everyone cheered loudly, even Emma and Killian clapped.

“Happy to hear our newest guests have made it to their first milestone.” She looked up to see Regina standing in the doorway. “Very pleased that I haven’t seen either of you in my office.”

Killian and Emma shared a glance of annoyance. She was happy to see she wasn’t the only one who disliked the manager of the center.

“I’ll let you continue, Archie.” The woman leaned against the wall at the back of the room.

“We were just getting started, who wants to begin today.”

Will raised his hand quickly. “I’ll go today.”

“You seem very excited today, Will.”

“Belle is coming to family day. It took a lot of phone calls, a ton of apologizes, but I convinced her to come.”

“Who’s Belle?” Emma asked.

“She’s my fiancé. I wasn’t sure if she would come because obviously, I’ve been a right arse when it comes to her.”

“Let’s talk about why you’re here, Will.”

“You mean besides my winning personality.”

“How do you have a fiancé and I’m still alone.” August mused.

“Hey, I’m a pretty entertaining guy.”

“Ok we are getting away from the question, William.”

“Um so I was working a lot of hours on set. It was normal to have a beer or two after we finished. Anyway, I was working a lot of late nights with one of the regulars on the show.”

“I thought you were a regular.” Jefferson asks.

“He wishes, he was a part time walk on.”

“Hey, no need to bruise me, Aug.”

“I’m just saying, if you are going to tell the story, tell it truthfully.”

“Fine, so anyway, as I was saying, I was working with one of the regulars, of the female variety.”

Emma noticed that Killian was squirming in his seat next to her.

“One night we had a few too many drinks and she brought out some heroin, ya know I didn’t want to look like a total git, so I did it with her. It became a common thing every time we worked together and the next thing I remember was Belle finding me and Ana in bed together, you know, naked.”

“Cheating ass.” She heard Killian mumble under his breath.

“She was as angry as I had ever seen her and trust me you don’t mess with Belle when she’s pissed off.”

“I hope she kicked your ass.” Killian grumbled.

“She left me. I lost my job on the show. Things just sort of spiraled out of control at that point.”

“How’d you convince her to come?” August asked.

“It’s taken me a long time to show her I was serious about getting better, mate. Hasn’t been easy but the last time we talked, it felt different.”

“Good for you, Will.” Emma offered, feeling truly happy to see that at least someone could find a way to repair the damage they had caused to others. She only wondered if the damaged they caused to themselves could ever be fixed.

“What happened to the lass?” Killian spoke up beside her.

“Which lass?”

“They one you fucked around with on your sweet fiancé you claimed to love so much.”

“It was only once. I never talked to her again.”

“And you think you deserve Belle after what you did to her?”

Will shifted in his seat. “I love her, I just want a second chance.”

“You cheated on her; how can you even ask for that?” Killian yelled and Emma jumped in her seat.

“Everyone deserves a second chance; don’t you think?” Archie questioned the suddenly angry Killian.

“Why should he get one? He cheated on her. From everything he’s said about the lass she deserves someone who wouldn’t do that to her.”

“I made a mistake.” Will said softly and August patted his shoulder.

“He’s trying to make things right, Jones.”

“Ok let’s all calm down and get back on track. Everyone has a right to how they feel in this room, but we also need to remember that the entire reason for being here is so that each of you get a second chance to make things right in your life.”

“I’m not here for that.” Killian muttered under his breath.

Archie turned toward him. “You’re not here for a second chance?”

“No.”

“Because you don’t care or because you don’t believe you deserve one.” August added.

Emma eyed the man curiously, his arms crossed defiantly across his chest.

“Some of us did awful things to get here. Things that can’t and most likely shouldn’t be forgiven. We take our consequences, and we move on. I’m just here to meet my contract and go home.”

Emma felt like the world just crashed down into the room. She knew he was talking about the woman he was engaged to. He had spoken about losing her in the accident. She couldn’t imagine how hard it must be to know that you can’t get forgiveness from someone who isn’t there to give it.

“I think that’s a really shit way to look at things, man.” August continued. “Have you talked to the people you hurt, helped them to understand that you are taking responsibility for your actions?”

She felt the anger before she heard his growl beside her.

“Back off, August. It’s not always that easy.” Emma interjected trying to keep a fight from breaking out. “We can’t always find the people we need to ask forgiveness from, or it’s just not possible to talk to them.” She glanced at Killian who was staring at his shoes, but she was sure she saw a small upturn in his frown.

“I think the most important thing to remember is that most of the time the forgiveness we truly need to find, is within ourselves.” Archie looked around the room.

Will’s cheeks reddened. “Not bloody likely for that to happen. Regardless of what anyone else thinks, I know what I did was awful. I’ve regretted it since the moment it happened.”

“I’m sure Belle knows that.” Ruby added quietly.

“Belle’s amazing. I know I make shit up all the time, but not about her. I can’t wait for you lot to meet her.”

“We very much look forward to it.” Archie looked around the room. “So, anyone else want to share today.”

Regina cleared her throat from the back of the room and Emma was surprised to realize she was still there.

“Regina did you have something to add?”

“Yes, I would like to see both Mr. Jones and Ms. Nolan in my office after the meeting today.”

Killian and Emma stole a glance of apprehension. Were they in trouble? Did someone see them under the pier. She could feel her anxiety building as the woman left the room, unable to concentrate on anything else through the rest of the session.

As soon as the session ended, Emma was halfway down the hall, her fists balling together at her waist when an arm grazed her shoulder, keeping pace with her as she made her way to Regina’s office.

“It’s a bit like being called to the principal’s office, don’t you think?”

“Well, I haven’t broken any rules, can you say the same?”

She noticed the way his brow rose before he spoke. “Concerned about my wellbeing are we Swan?”

“Not in the slightest.” She shrugged.

“Twice in one day as I see it.” She clenched her jaw and stared toward the end of the hall where Regina’s office was waiting for them. “You came to my defense today with August, it would be bad form not to offer you my thanks.”

“Yeah, well don’t get used to it.” Why was it always like this with him? Defensive, angry, storming away. She paused, turning toward him, “Maybe I just understood what you were trying to say in there.”

“Aye, somehow I believe you might.” Emma flinched but didn’t miss the look of sincerity on his face. “Perhaps one day you might share your burden with me.”

She laughed, “Don’t get ahead of yourself, we’re still not friends.” She hesitated for a moment, getting lost in a sea of blue. Anxious to break the spell she quickly turned and then toed her way toward the office, his footsteps quickly following behind her.

Regina met them at the door, “Mr. Jones, please join me. You can wait in the hall, Ms. Nolan.”

Killian walked in behind Regina, “Wish me luck, Swan.” He muttered before he closed the door behind him.

Emma paced the hall, staring at the door that remained closed for what felt like ages.

“You’re busted.”

Emma jumped and spun toward the voice, her heart catching in her throat. “I didn’t do anything!” She directed at the security guard.

“Sorry, didn’t mean to insinuate that you had, you just are pacing like a guilty person standing outside Regina’s office.”

“Well, I’m not.” She said shortly.

“Bit touchy.” He joked.

“Sorry, I have anxiety, this is the sort of shit that sets me off.”

“If I may give you some advice.” He leaned against the wall. “Regina does that on purpose, you know, calling patients to her office to throw them off guard, get them to admit things they might have done before they understand the real reason they are there.”

“I haven’t done anything.”

“I’m not saying you have; I’m telling you to breathe.” He lowered his voice, “She can smell fear.”

The door opened and she jumped.

“Ms. Nolan.”

Killian walked out of the office and smiled in her direction, “head up, Swan. Never let her see you sweat.” He winked before walking away.

She turned toward Graham and nodded before stepping into the room.

“Please sit.”

Emma tentatively sank down into the chair and swallowed.

“So, Ms. Nolan, how do you think things are going for you so far?”

“I would say things are going fine. I haven’t broken any rules if that’s what I’m here for.”

“Guilty conscience?”

“No, I just don’t know what I’m being called in here for.”

“You passed 14 days, Ms. Nolan. Congratulations.”

“Oh. Um. Yeah.”

“Today you are free to make a phone call so I’m providing you a phone pass.”

Emma took the pass, staring at it in her hand. Did she even want to call her parents? “Thanks. I’m uh, not sure I need it yet.”

“You do know that family day is fast approaching, it’s very helpful to your recovery to include those who are closest to you on the outside to assist in the process.”

“I’ll think about it.” She said softly.

“Please do, your parents paid a lot of money for you to be here, it would be unfortunate for you not to take advantage of what this center is capable of.”

“You got your money, why do you care?”

“Despite what you think, I do this job because I care about the recovery of my patient’s while they are here at WRC, just as much as I do of the condition they leave here in.”

She stared out the window, watching the waves crash against the sandy shore behind Regina’s head. “I said I’d think about it, are we done now?”

“I’m not your enemy Ms. Nolan.”

Emma stood from her seat, “First off its Emma, or Ms. Swan, and if you still can’t get that right, then I have nothing more to say to you.”

The woman opened her mouth to speak and Emma stood and quickly left the office before she could get the words out. She was not in the mood to hear the woman lecture her any further.

Emma walked out into the courtyard, happy for the breeze to cool off her temper.

“You survived.”

Emma turned to see Killian leaning against the building in the shadows.

“Yeah, I guess.”

“I suppose you have a phone call to make?”

“Oh, um, yeah I’m not so sure I’m ready for that yet. What about you?”

He pushed off the building and walked closer to her and they fell into a comfortable rhythm following the path toward the beach. “I don’t really have anyone I want to call.”

“I thought you had a brother?”

“Aye, Liam. I haven’t spoken to him for almost three months now.”

“Oh. I’m sorry.”

The silence sat in the air for a moment as their feet hit the sand. “And what of you? Not eager to call the perfect boyfriend.” She choked out a laugh. “I would assume that someone who is so supportive of your recovery, you would be jumping to speak to him.”

“We’re still not friends.” She joked.

“We don’t need to be, you are somewhat of an open book.”

“Bullshit.” He frowned and Emma felt guilty once again for falling into the same angry rhythm with him. Why was she always so defensive with Killian? “Ask me anything.” She paused, holding up her finger to his face. “Except about Neal.”

“Pardon me?”

“You’ve shared information with me, and I’ve done nothing but yell at you. So, it’s only fair you get to ask me something about myself.”

He gazed out at the ocean, and she wondered for a moment if he would choose not to ask her anything at all. “Alright Swan, and you have to answer honestly correct?”

“That’s the rules.”

“What was so important for you to steal that got you arrested?”

“Money.”

“That doesn’t exactly make sense knowing who your parents are.”

“You know who my parents are?”

“When I auditioned for my film, I stayed at Nolan’s on Fifth in New York. I didn’t realize it right away, but I put it together recently that you were the Nolan’s daughter.”

“Yep, lucky me.”

“So, you didn’t exactly need money, I’m sure.”

“DeVil’s Plaza is across the street of the hotel we live in. It’s my dad’s biggest competition, we thought that made them a good target.”

He pressed on, continuing past his one question, but Emma allowed it. “And that’s why you chose them, to knock down daddy’s competition?”

“Honestly, I just wanted to piss off my dad and Mrs. DeVil was always rude to me, so she was an easy target.”

“How did you get caught?”

“That’s more than one question, Jones.” She laughed, realizing she was allowing him too much rope.

“You are correct, Swan. Apologizes.”

“If you don’t piss me off tomorrow, I might let you ask another one.” She smiled at him from the corner of her eye, enjoying the small moment they were sharing. It felt odd not to be fighting with him.

“I would like that very much.”

“I think we managed to go ten minutes without fighting.” She said softly. He chuckled beside her as they turned back toward the center.

“We should probably part as quickly as possible so as not to tempt our luck.”

“Yeah, I have to be somewhere soon.”

He glanced at her, “Ah yes, dessert.” She swore she saw him frown before he turned away from her.

“I’ll see you around, Jones.”

“I’ll try not to anger you when I do. I’m eager to earn another question.”

They parted ways, going in opposite directions, Emma winding down the back hallways and corridors until she found Jefferson waiting for her at the end of the dark hall by the staff entrance.

“I wasn’t sure you were coming.”

“Sorry, I lost track of time.”

“Not to worry, you’re here now.” He took her hand as they gathered their treats and found a spot on the lawn to enjoy their haul. Everything felt relaxed and easy. She lay back on the grass and stared up at the stars. He leaned up on his elbow beside her. “You’re quiet tonight, something on your mind?”

“I got my phone pass today.”

“Ah.”

“Yeah, just not sure if I’m ready to make that call. It might take a supernatural power to get the nerve to speak to my parents.”

“Everyone wants a magical solution for their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic.”

“That’s because magic isn’t real, Jefferson.”

“You see I know what you refuse to acknowledge, Emma. You're special. You brought something precious to Wonderland... magic.”

She laughed until it hurt rolling onto her side to look at him. “I’m not magic, Jefferson.”

“You are to me.” His eyes slipped shut as he leaned toward her, until their lips met. Emma froze. His hand brushed against her cheek and she pressed forward to return the kiss. She wanted to feel something, almost begged her body to react. When he pulled back, she softly smiled at him, his face frozen for a moment before he frowned.

“Sorry Emma, I didn’t mean to overstep.”

“It’s ok, I just, you caught me off guard.”

“No need to explain.”

“Jefferson, I don’t have a lot of friends, here or back where I’m from. And I just, don’t want to mess that up with you.”

“Do you consider me a friend, truly?”

“Of course, I do.” She pressed her palm to his cheek. “There is no one else I would want to share my ding dongs with than you.”

“Then I am truly blessed.” He said as he popped a treat into his mouth and fell back onto the grass. As Emma lay next to him, she wished she really were magic, maybe then she would be able to make that awkward call home.


End file.
